Val d’Isere is going to be packed to the rafters for the next two weeks with the arrival of the biggest event here since the 1992 Albertville Olympics. Here at The Mountain Echo we feel it’s only fair to provide you with a guide for the humble saisonnaire to surviving the next fortnight’s maelstrom.
The Racing
The Face and Rhone Alpes runs will be closed as the men race on the former and women the latter. The rest of the resort will be open but expect some disruption at the top of the Olympique bubble and Solaise Express. In terms of watching the action there’s the main grandstands that have been sitting like monstrous carbunkles on the nursery slopes since the season started. Unlike the OK super G run where spectators could easily line the route the Face and Solaise don’t lend themselves so well to that, so close-ups are going to be difficult to obtain. In a draconian move reminiscent of their 1940s landlords, the French organisers have sold the rights to every close-up from the side of the mountain so if you pull out your (insert Ash’s camera) expect to be told to put it away. Alternatively equip yourself with a serious zoom and position yourself on one of the hotel balconies that will afford you a decent view and more creature comforts than the grandstand. There’s also always the legendary Val Snow 102 balcony hot tub but if you’re a nanny or teenage Scandinavian girl be warned, you enter at your own risk.
Resort
No getting around it, the town is going to be packed with all the various teams and their entourages. There will also be around 2500 members of the world’s press to contend with. We don’t anticipate them being out with camera crews at night but if you’re the kind of person with the alcohol tolerance of an asthmatic moth it’s probably best to avoid starting drinking early unless you want your parents to see you make Ski Sunday for all the wrong reasons. The racers will probably be turning in early but there’s nothing stopping the support teams from hitting the town in the evenings. Bars and restaurants are going to be packed much to the delight of owners suffering from a recession related half-full town for most of the season so far. The Petit Danois have an après-ski igloo bar and Saloon will have a stall outside on the side of the piste for those in need of instant refreshment at the end of the day. Restaurants will need to be booked early to avoid disappointment. No-one wants to end up dining at Tocade on Valentine’s Day.
Autographs
If you’re the kind of person who gets a Tim Henman (unexpected semi) at the mere thought of bagging Bode Miller’s signature then you’re going to need to know where these guys hang out in the evenings as security around the racing events will be tighter than Rod Stewart’s wallet. Most teams will be staying in the high end hotels around town so you’ll need to familiarise yourself with where the Blizzard, Tsanteleina, Aigles des Neiges and Barmes de l’Ours are. Ultimately skiers are likely to be as keen for a couple of drinks after a hard day nailing the Face as you would be so hotel bars are going to be your best bet. Try not to be too much of an oleaginous sycophant or take up much of the time they could be spending chatting to the wafer-thin model they probably walked in with.
Groupies
As you might imagine, professional skiers aren’t exactly struggling for a date on a Saturday night. If you’ve spent the past two months turning daddy’s little princess into the freakiest sex puppet in town and are suddenly confronted with the reality that your girlfriend got wetter than an otter’s pocket at the first sight of a national team’s ski jacket and a lycra one-piece so tight you can tell what religion the guy is and wants to go pro-ho for the next two weeks what recourse do you have. Challenging a whole ski team to a fight is probably the wrong idea as, even if you succeed, you’ll get thrown out of town. On the plus side you’d make the papers and at least she’d know you cared. You could try and fight fire with fire and head off to shark Julia Mancuso or one of the other elite women but they’re unlikely to be found in Dicks when the ugly lights come on. Rumour has it Nicolas Sarkozy is coming to town as well so if you see Carla Bruni looking underappreciated in the corner of a bar chisel on in there and make like you’re the second coming of Mick Jagger. The best course of action is to acquiesce and make the point to her after everyone departs and leaves the town emptier than an anorexic’s shopping trolley that you now have a token to spend some time in week 9 when Val d’Isere turns blond, blue-eyed and teenage.
For the next couple of weeks the town will be turned into party central and there should be plenty of opportunity to watch some spectacular skiing and hit it hard into the small hours. If you find yourself queuing for a lift for a few extra minutes or waiting to be served at your favourite bar slightly longer than usual that’s a small price to pay for a ringside seat to some primo ski racing. However, if you don’t want to watch the action, with the snow we’ve had in the past week you’ll probably get more purchase from going out to rip nipple-deep powder on Laisanant and Le Fornet and sit there grinning to yourself as the pros talk about risking life and limb down an icy run.
