Everyone has been one at some stage, and we’ve all had our moments when we may have made rash decisions, but being a punter, or looking/behaving like one is always a quick fix. We’ve had a look at what you can do to avoid looking like you’ve got no clue on the slopes whatsoever.
Punter, if there was a dictionary term it would probably read; obviously has minimal ski experience, or looks like they have no idea what they are doing. To be a punter you don’t have to be a holiday maker, anyone can be a victim, and when this syndrome hits, it can hit hard.
You don’t want your reputation being smeared, or people giggling at you when you arrive at après. So what behaviour could class you as a punter? Well there are a number of obvious signs that you might
not be aware of, but someone you know will be.
The impressive punter gap is one of the foremost signs. This occurs when there is a space between your goggles and your hat and there is forehead showing. This is usually a classic sign of not trying
your goggles on with any headgear prior to purchase, but is easily fixed. In the mirror play with the arrangement between the goggles and the hat or helmet or perhaps grab a buff and add in a headband
to your repertoire. No one wants to see forehead on the slopes, and think of the awful goggle tan you’re going to end up with. Tragic.Carrying skis can also give you a good indication of punter status. If you are clutching them to your chest as they split with poles all over the shop, then you need to rework your style my friend. Over the shoulder with the front of the bindings just behind your shoulder should leave them secure, and it’ll probably make it far easier to walk/get on the bus/get through the lift barriers.
Skiing or boarding down a road will also give you punter status, and probably completely ruin your base. I would not suggest it and the Gendarme certainly aren’t massive fans. Even if it’s rental and you couldn’t care less, the road is for cars and the pavement is for pedestrians. When you’re walking up to Bananas and suddenly you are confronted by an out of control boarder, well it’s really not a good start to a night.
According to bar staff, they spot the punter as the person who asks what the cheapest drink is before they’ve even said “Hello” and then gasp in surprise at it’s cost. Welcome to Val d’Isere my friend, you’re not in the rural village anymore.
Punters also have a tendency to talk about how epic their days have been, or reel off the number of black runs they have done/are going to do this holiday VERY LOUDLY. Yes everyone in the bar understands that you are God’s gift to snowsports, but really we don’t care that you lapped Le Face twenty times this morning and then did it with your eyes closed, it’s not going to make us drop to our knees and worship in your presence.
Back to the slopes, where matching ski outfits set you out as a clear target for punter status. We aren’t saying that it isn’t a very nice jacket/trouser combo but was it necessary to buy it twice and then wear it as a couple on the same day. Wouldn’t you have saved some money by just buying it once and alternating? We’re just putting it out there, y’know because we like style, not the feeling that we’ve got double vision. Hangovers are bad enough as it is thank you please.
The onesie. Need we say anymore? Ironic statement, yes we are all for it, take a photo and send us a picture or crack it out for monoski world champs, but don’t wear it and think you’re making a fashion statement. Certainly there are some onesies out there that we can condone, the ones that are baggy and usually seen on the park rat of your choice, but please put away the one from the 80s that gives you awful camel toe and leaves nothing to the imagination as well as blinding you because it’s so damn shiny. Seriously, go and get yourself a nice tasteful outfit and maybe people will stop taking comedy photos with you.
In the same theme as the onesie, please leave your bumbag at home. Yes it’s conveniently smaller than a backpack and probably very practical, but it makes everyone look like they have a backside the size of a large continent, and that’s not hot.
Gators and Jeans? Think again my friend, neither of those items have Gore Tex on their label and you’re going to get mighty cold, God forbid you should fall over in jeans. That would make après a very damp affair indeed, and not for the right reasons. Remember all clothing should be on the outside of your boots. Tucking in those ski pants into the cuff is not only a bit uncomfortable but it makes you look a little thick round the ankle if you get our drift.
So punter or pro, which will it be? Certainly I hope the days of jeans on the mountain are over, and who knows there might be a trend we’re missing out on, just remember that being pro comes with responsibility, especially when you need to show the pro-hos a good time.
