The Mountain Echo

Turn off your red light
Ralphy (Saloon) has been rewarded by his feature in the Insider last week and has now turned off his red light over the DJ booth. Katie (Moris) and Sarah (Nortlander) kindly stepped up to get him over his bad patch of luck with the ladies.

Glassed
Tommo (Pull-In) was unlucky once again as he took a glass to the face from a girl this week. The Danois staff were on hand to help clean him up but it took 5 stitches to put him back together. Seriously guys, you need to love more and hate less.

Wet Dreams
Ella (Warm Up) had rather a big night last week that ended with her having an ‘accident’ while she was asleep. One sheet wash and announcement to the whole of Warm Up later, she’s felt rather shamefaced and will definitely be trying to make it to the toilet on time in future.

Sleep Walk
Beware when you nap in the day because you might end up like Charlie who sleep-walked downstairs from his apartment into a random flat and then went for a number two in the middle of their living room. Even worse was that he had to return to reclaim his trousers following the event!

Cold Tub
Soph B (T4 Nanny) Wasn’t too interested in a gentleman holiday maker she meet in Dicks until she discovered her night could lead to (Hot) hot tub shinanigans. The walk of shame across town in the wee hours of the morning was a very cold & wet. It’s a good idea to take your clothes off before you get in the tub.

You’re Barred
Stu (Crystal) has been barred from a few establishments around town after getting ever so slightly hammered and then trying to get into places using phrases such as ‘don’t you know who I am?’ and ‘I’m practically your manager’. If you have to ask people if they know who you are then you’ve defeated the point of being somebody around town!

Collector’s Items
Georgie (Mountain Rooms) is collecting the male members of the Saloon staff. They believe she’s taking advantage of them in various drunken states, with Dan (Saloon) the last victim. Only one remains to complete the set, Georgie, but apparently he fancies your best mate!

Congrats
Chambers finally acquired her target last week and got a home run out of it. Congratulations on your persistence finally paying off!

I do
The Insider played vicar this week, marrying two bar staff in town. We aren’t sure if it’s legally binding, but please don’t come knocking on our door for a divorce as there’s far too much paperwork involved.

Rat Race
The date has been confirmed for the Greeneye Rat Race for 7th April, GET YOUR TEAMS READY!

Duvel
The Duvel rep was in town this week and certainly took Matt (Blue Note) for a ride. Last seen asleep on his own bar and talking something that wasn’t quite English, the rep obviously did a good job on selling his product to dear Matthew.

Question
Teddy (Saloon) would like to know whether you would prefer to shag a goat once and everyone know about it, or shag a goat every night and no one know. Answers on a postcard to Saloon please.

KP Dreams of Management
Rob (Danois) obviously loves his job as, when he falls asleep, not only does he talk about it but also shouts out the names of his managers Jules and Rach. Clearly these lovely ladies have been entertaining Rob’s subconscious all season.

RIP
Erin (YSE) killed Irish’s best friend and he claims he will never forgive her. RIP Albert the egg, aged 4 years.

Vom
Jock managed to be sick over himself and Verd (Le Ski) after he was handed a shooter that didn’t seem to quite want to stay down. He threw up over his companion who was apparently not bothered due to the fact that he ‘smelled anyway’. Jock, however, had no recollection of the event and was only told the following day, although he says he did know that he had ‘done something wrong’ whilst out on his bender.

Wax
Katherine (VSpot) has tamed her legendary nether region mogwai and finally had a wax. We believe it was a Californian. She celebrated by taking home one of the Surefoot lads for a show and tell session.

Smitten
Jack (La Foret) is apparently smitten with Sarah (Powder White). We wish you guys the best of luck but ask to be notified when you have completed the Foret rite of passage of getting down to it in the bar. We want to know which seating areas to avoid.

Spotted
Elliot (Dicks) and MC (Saloon) were spied canoodling in Dicks. Happy Birthday MC!

Rumours
Vicious rumours are spreading about Owen and Debbie having some Dicks staff love. We can’t confirm anything just yet but we’ll keep our eyes peeled for the dinner date.

Barreled Over
Tommo (Saloon) tried to have his way with Sarah (La Foret) in their barrel room but she wasn’t quite as keen and he almost ended up with a squirt of pepper spray to the face.

Burn Baby Burn
Sam (Jukebox Mama) had a trim this week as well when Jay (La Foret) took a Lynx can and a lighter, put them together to make a flame thrower and burnt off all the hair in his nether regions. Apparently he is a ‘hairy little hobbit’ so needed the trim anyway but he could quite possibly have done without the burns that came with it.

Help Please
Kat (4 seasons) needed help going to the toilet in her sleep the other night. IT required one of her housemates to carry her to the toilet, take down her trousers and pants and sit her down on the loo. She then went back to bed like it had been a run of the mill evening. Service with a smile?

Love with an Audience
The Blue Note toilets have once again become a hive of activity after Nickie (VSpot) went down to use them and heard a variety of ‘noises’from a locked toilet. She went upstairs, put two and two together to work out who the couple were, then proceeded to bring around twenty people downstairs to see Matt kick out Tom (Dicks) and Amelie (Warm Up) from the cubicle where they were somewhere between third base and home.

Noise Complaint
Claire (Moris) took offence at the amount of noise being made clearing snow outside the Danois while she was trying to sleep. She opened up the curtains to give the noisy clearers a piece of her mind but forgot she was completely starkers. Some lucky snow shoveller got a good look at Claire’s best suit and there will now doubtless be fights started over who gets to clear snow at the Danois from now on.

Greg Evans, Ski Instructor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdya3ACk0QA

Mighty Bill
The above Insider story was a result of Henry (Bananas) ordering 400 B52 shots in Saloon as part of a celebration for Ben’s (important trader type) birthday… except that Ben ended up paying. The bill came to €1000 and they then went on to buy 40 Jaegerbombs in Dicks on the condition that they would only pay for them if the domino dropped perfectly. Unfortunately for them they had a very skilled bar person who managed the feat with no problems.

Builders
The residents of chalet spoon seem to believe that their places of employment are no longer good enough drinking establishments. They have built their own bar, tunnel and igloo in their back garden. Expect events to be listed in the What’s On any time soon.

Looking for Love
Ralphy (Saloon) is apparently looking for a lady friend. He’s not fussy but Irish believes that he is a nightmare to go swimming with as he’s distracted by all the bikinis. If you’re interested he’s the one under the lovely pink light in the DJ booth. We were told to put up his Facebook and phone number but we won’t go that far!

Correction
We last week said that Alex did not fall for the chat up line, but he maintains that he did and is actually quite proud of it.

Welcome Back
A hello to Tina and Mark who have returned to resort to the delight of many!

No Stamina
Timmy (Moris) celebrated his birthday last week but couldn’t handle it, as he needed a break in the middle for a nap and a TC before heading back down to the Moris and onwards to continue his celebrations.

Mistaken Identity
Identical twins have been causing havoc on some of the returning seasonnaires this week as an old Danois staff member came for a visit with his twin in tow. Si (Saloon) grabbed his bum thinking he was his brother and Abi (Moris) gave him a piece of her mind for not visiting her when the poor twin had no idea who they were!

Buses
Eddie (Dicks) has been struggling with the ladies all season but, like buses, you wait all season for one and then three come along at once. Unlike buses, one of these three left him with something at the end of his ride that might require a replacement service from Doc Al.

Perve
Ben (VSpot Leaflet Boy) was unlucky enough to be found by Laurie asleep in the VSpot flat holding Laurie’s girlfriend’s knickers in one hand with the other down his pants. Laurie was decidedly unimpressed and woke Ben up with a few buckets of water. Ben retaliated by pissing all over the flat. He was then evicted and managed to fall down the stairs so they took pity on him, brought him back and locked him in the bathroom, but not before they had covered him with eggs and tomato ketchup leaving him with a very fetching hairstyle.

Keeping Each Other Amused
The Crystal chalet hosts are having a fair amount of incest this year, most recently in Moris on Tuesday where their constant pulling of each other with no preference for girl or boy scared Moris customers, especially with balls being slapped on faces and rambunctious drinking games. The incest continues to naked 5am swims, group spoonings and public nudity which apparently has infiltrated all the way to their management. Good work Crystal!

Dirty Stop Out
Phil (Moris) has not been home before 12 in the afternoon for quite a few days now. He seems unable to explain his absences with anything other than a bit of a grin.

Anyone for a biscuit?
Tommo (Saloon) has continued his run of bad behaviour this week although he’s gone in a new direction. After a night in Saloon he took up the challenge of eating a urinal biscuit. Teddy (Saloon) selected a particularly soggy one for his dining pleasure and, after he had consumed some of it, it emerged that it came with some extra hairy seasoning. Careful girls, sometimes you just don’t know where someone’s mouth has been.

Motto for Life
Nav (Dicks) believes in the motto ‘try, try and try again’. Thanks Moris!!

Dirty Play
Matt (Blue Note) was denied his chance to play a shot in the Pacific pool competition after someone ignored his or her inner sportsman and de-kegged him whilst he tried to play. Who said playing fair was any fun!

Stop Thief!
Sarah (La Foret) had to chase a thief all the way back to his apartment last week after he nabbed a bottle of Bacardi from behind the bar. She chased him down as he locked himself in his bathroom to escape but he still got a firm telling off. La Foret go that extra mile to make themselves heard!

Swim Team
There has been a lot of swimming going on this week, with competitive spirits on display as Henry (Bananas) challenged Nickie (VSpot) to race across the cover. Nickie claimed to be the winner, but Henry admitted he’d deliberately thrown the race as there was more enjoyment in following behind her.

Swim Team 2
The other team of water babies this week managed to get some food out of their swim when they managed to obtain a joint of meat. As they were responsible swimmers they waited until afterwards to eat it and celebrated their find by having a fake disco, switching the lights on and off in their room, and waking up poor Lauren (Dicks) in the process.

Word For the Wise
We’d just like to mention on a more serious note for everyone, please stay out of the Gorge De Malpasset up on the mountain. It’s really dangerous and we promise you that you can’t have impressive chat for apres if you’re in hospital or worse. So take our word for it on this one.

From: chalettilly@hotmail.com
To: timothy.crawley-moore@schroeders.com
SUBJ: “SICK OF SNOW”

Dear Mummy and Daddy,

I am getting sick of the snow. Uncle Algenon is right – this whole global warming thing is a load of absolute rot and anyone who can afford one should be allowed to drive around in a Range Rover so I’m putting the new Vogue at the top of my birthday list again.

These people who say that world is heating up should come out here. it’s bally freezing. As I write this I’ve got two pairs of thermal underwear on as well as my frilly knicks. It’s really too cold to ski. All this weather is good for is sitting inside and drinking tea and eating cake.

And as for sea level rising – well that’s just ridiculous. Bim and Muffy are trying to organise an end of season beach holiday and we’re over nine hours from the nearest seaside. I really don’t think there’s a problem. Well actually there is – sea levels aren’t high enough! I mean, I wouldn’t need a beach right in the resort as it’s too cold to go for a dip, but maybe an hour or so away.

It has given me a new found respect though for the people who live here all year round. Imagine living in these freezing conditions twelve months of the year. Maybe they the reason they keep the Christmas decorations up all year round is to keep up moral. I thought it was just laziness but I mean, if it snowed all year round back at Wysteria Cottage, I’d probably want to keep the Christmas tree up too. Oh my gosh!

Maybe they get two Christmasses. Well it’s not fair if I only get one. I’ll look into it.

Lots of love, Tiz X