The Mountain Echo

Love with an Audience
The Blue Note toilets have once again become a hive of activity after Nickie (VSpot) went down to use them and heard a variety of ‘noises’from a locked toilet. She went upstairs, put two and two together to work out who the couple were, then proceeded to bring around twenty people downstairs to see Matt kick out Tom (Dicks) and Amelie (Warm Up) from the cubicle where they were somewhere between third base and home.

Noise Complaint
Claire (Moris) took offence at the amount of noise being made clearing snow outside the Danois while she was trying to sleep. She opened up the curtains to give the noisy clearers a piece of her mind but forgot she was completely starkers. Some lucky snow shoveller got a good look at Claire’s best suit and there will now doubtless be fights started over who gets to clear snow at the Danois from now on.

Greg Evans, Ski Instructor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdya3ACk0QA

Mighty Bill
The above Insider story was a result of Henry (Bananas) ordering 400 B52 shots in Saloon as part of a celebration for Ben’s (important trader type) birthday… except that Ben ended up paying. The bill came to €1000 and they then went on to buy 40 Jaegerbombs in Dicks on the condition that they would only pay for them if the domino dropped perfectly. Unfortunately for them they had a very skilled bar person who managed the feat with no problems.

Builders
The residents of chalet spoon seem to believe that their places of employment are no longer good enough drinking establishments. They have built their own bar, tunnel and igloo in their back garden. Expect events to be listed in the What’s On any time soon.

Looking for Love
Ralphy (Saloon) is apparently looking for a lady friend. He’s not fussy but Irish believes that he is a nightmare to go swimming with as he’s distracted by all the bikinis. If you’re interested he’s the one under the lovely pink light in the DJ booth. We were told to put up his Facebook and phone number but we won’t go that far!

Correction
We last week said that Alex did not fall for the chat up line, but he maintains that he did and is actually quite proud of it.

Welcome Back
A hello to Tina and Mark who have returned to resort to the delight of many!

No Stamina
Timmy (Moris) celebrated his birthday last week but couldn’t handle it, as he needed a break in the middle for a nap and a TC before heading back down to the Moris and onwards to continue his celebrations.

Mistaken Identity
Identical twins have been causing havoc on some of the returning seasonnaires this week as an old Danois staff member came for a visit with his twin in tow. Si (Saloon) grabbed his bum thinking he was his brother and Abi (Moris) gave him a piece of her mind for not visiting her when the poor twin had no idea who they were!

Buses
Eddie (Dicks) has been struggling with the ladies all season but, like buses, you wait all season for one and then three come along at once. Unlike buses, one of these three left him with something at the end of his ride that might require a replacement service from Doc Al.

Perve
Ben (VSpot Leaflet Boy) was unlucky enough to be found by Laurie asleep in the VSpot flat holding Laurie’s girlfriend’s knickers in one hand with the other down his pants. Laurie was decidedly unimpressed and woke Ben up with a few buckets of water. Ben retaliated by pissing all over the flat. He was then evicted and managed to fall down the stairs so they took pity on him, brought him back and locked him in the bathroom, but not before they had covered him with eggs and tomato ketchup leaving him with a very fetching hairstyle.

Keeping Each Other Amused
The Crystal chalet hosts are having a fair amount of incest this year, most recently in Moris on Tuesday where their constant pulling of each other with no preference for girl or boy scared Moris customers, especially with balls being slapped on faces and rambunctious drinking games. The incest continues to naked 5am swims, group spoonings and public nudity which apparently has infiltrated all the way to their management. Good work Crystal!

Dirty Stop Out
Phil (Moris) has not been home before 12 in the afternoon for quite a few days now. He seems unable to explain his absences with anything other than a bit of a grin.

Anyone for a biscuit?
Tommo (Saloon) has continued his run of bad behaviour this week although he’s gone in a new direction. After a night in Saloon he took up the challenge of eating a urinal biscuit. Teddy (Saloon) selected a particularly soggy one for his dining pleasure and, after he had consumed some of it, it emerged that it came with some extra hairy seasoning. Careful girls, sometimes you just don’t know where someone’s mouth has been.

Motto for Life
Nav (Dicks) believes in the motto ‘try, try and try again’. Thanks Moris!!

Dirty Play
Matt (Blue Note) was denied his chance to play a shot in the Pacific pool competition after someone ignored his or her inner sportsman and de-kegged him whilst he tried to play. Who said playing fair was any fun!

Stop Thief!
Sarah (La Foret) had to chase a thief all the way back to his apartment last week after he nabbed a bottle of Bacardi from behind the bar. She chased him down as he locked himself in his bathroom to escape but he still got a firm telling off. La Foret go that extra mile to make themselves heard!

Swim Team
There has been a lot of swimming going on this week, with competitive spirits on display as Henry (Bananas) challenged Nickie (VSpot) to race across the cover. Nickie claimed to be the winner, but Henry admitted he’d deliberately thrown the race as there was more enjoyment in following behind her.

Swim Team 2
The other team of water babies this week managed to get some food out of their swim when they managed to obtain a joint of meat. As they were responsible swimmers they waited until afterwards to eat it and celebrated their find by having a fake disco, switching the lights on and off in their room, and waking up poor Lauren (Dicks) in the process.

Word For the Wise
We’d just like to mention on a more serious note for everyone, please stay out of the Gorge De Malpasset up on the mountain. It’s really dangerous and we promise you that you can’t have impressive chat for apres if you’re in hospital or worse. So take our word for it on this one.

From: chalettilly@hotmail.com
To: timothy.crawley-moore@schroeders.com
SUBJ: “SICK OF SNOW”

Dear Mummy and Daddy,

I am getting sick of the snow. Uncle Algenon is right – this whole global warming thing is a load of absolute rot and anyone who can afford one should be allowed to drive around in a Range Rover so I’m putting the new Vogue at the top of my birthday list again.

These people who say that world is heating up should come out here. it’s bally freezing. As I write this I’ve got two pairs of thermal underwear on as well as my frilly knicks. It’s really too cold to ski. All this weather is good for is sitting inside and drinking tea and eating cake.

And as for sea level rising – well that’s just ridiculous. Bim and Muffy are trying to organise an end of season beach holiday and we’re over nine hours from the nearest seaside. I really don’t think there’s a problem. Well actually there is – sea levels aren’t high enough! I mean, I wouldn’t need a beach right in the resort as it’s too cold to go for a dip, but maybe an hour or so away.

It has given me a new found respect though for the people who live here all year round. Imagine living in these freezing conditions twelve months of the year. Maybe they the reason they keep the Christmas decorations up all year round is to keep up moral. I thought it was just laziness but I mean, if it snowed all year round back at Wysteria Cottage, I’d probably want to keep the Christmas tree up too. Oh my gosh!

Maybe they get two Christmasses. Well it’s not fair if I only get one. I’ll look into it.

Lots of love, Tiz X

You’ve no one else to blame
Tommo (Pull In) was the victim of an unlucky coincidence this week. After a few drinks he ventured over to Doudoune. The bouncer refused him entry so he walked away and casually threw a snowball over his back somehow managing to hit the bouncer in the face. He then proceeded to do what he terms as a ‘war jig’ on the other side of the road. Making the decision to go to Dicks, he was ambushed on the other side of Doudoune by the bouncer. He tried to escape but took a nasty fall and was then maced, leading to a very blind and embarrassing walk to Dicks for the antidote.

Special Offer
It’s 2-4-1 at Dicks but it certainly isn’t on any drinks behind the bar.

Keep At It
Phil (Moris) was lucky enough to pull Katy (Dicks) and obviously wanted it to be a good night. Shame that he’d had a little too much to drink, but he kept on trying and trying, finally having a go in the morning just to make sure she got something out of the tryst.

Team Bonding
The staff at Moris Hotel have been doing some intense team bonding in the last few weeks. They all know each other VERY well now and, apart from some awkward moments, they are a party of five that obviously work very well together.

Correction
We’d like to apologise to our cover star from last week. We incorrectly spelt your middle name. It should be Henry Seymour Coxe. If you want autographs go to Bananas with last week’s edition.

Early Onset Alzeimhers
Domski (Warm Up) seems to be losing his memory. It must be quite a night if you can’t remember whether you broke up a fight or whether you were in one.

Trousers Down
Adam (Crystal) was left red cheeked after coming in from a drunken night out and deciding he needed the toilet. He sat down, did the business and then realised he had forgotten one important element… to take his trousers down. Apparently he was quite proud of what he’d done. Adam, we hope you’ve cleaned your trousers thoroughly because that isn’t a chocolate stain.

Slap in the Face
Ben (VSpot flyer boy) was a little bit drunk in Dicks last week and claimed he wouldn’t remember it the next day. Lia (Dicks) slapped him over the face and asked if he’d remember that. He tried to drunkenly retaliate but missed his target and managed to hit the till straight off the bar. We wonder if he remembers being descended on by Dicks bouncers and ejected from the club for his behaviour.

Boy Love
The Bananas chefs have been caught kissing in Doudoune. Hope it doesn’t make it awkward in the work place.

Beauty Salon
Kenny and Zlatan (Danois) obviously believe their room is not only a sex den but also a beauty parlour after they cracked out a pair of electric clippers to give Katherine (VSpot) a trim down in her lower regions. Having discovered it was simply too big a job, they tried to shave off one of her eyebrows instead. Stick to the day job boys.

Love Note
Emily (Bananas) one drunken night gave a potential lover a note asking to meet her in Bananas the next day. He did as he was told but managed to mistake Annette (Bananas) for Emily leaving her very confused until a red faced Emily arrived to take responsibility for the previous night.

Counter Claims
The Surefoot boys would like to counter Owen’s statement about the standard of burgers in town. They believe the Moris burger menu to be the finest in town and have numbers in triple figures to back up their claims. We’re printing this, boys, but I don’t think flattery will get you a discount.

Bad Behaviour
Apparently if you ask to be tasered then people will just do it. Steph (Bananas) made this very strange request and now has joined the ranks of troublemakers who have been tasered outside Val nightclubs.

Saloon Love
Apparently Briohny and Tommo (Saloon) are in love following a passionate embrace after après at the Folie, but we’ve also heard that Tommo has a thing for Kely from the Folie. We’ll leave you two/three to work it out.

A Bad Week
Dave (Ski France) has had a bit of a bad week. Despite being maintenance he struggled to put away a sofa bed, but more embarrassingly after a night of passion down in La Daille he had to ask the lucky lady’s name the morning after. Thankfully the shame was shared as she couldn’t remember his either (she was called Kathy by the way).

New Chairs Please
Henry (Bananas) went to Victors for a pleasant meal last week but it all went a bit pear shaped when his chair collapsed beneath him. Apparently it made a noise like a Giant Redwood being uprooted, bringing the whole of Victors to a standstill and leaving Henry lying on his back in the middle of the packed restaurant. Henry, Victors say that you owe them a chair and nothing but the finest Scandinavian craftsmanship will do.

It Keeps Going
Chalet Spoon is back on track this week with Lauren and Elliot (Dicks) having a good sesh to while away the cold nights.

Text Pest
Phil (Moris) knows how to flatter a girl, sending one a text the morning after which read ‘Hey how’s Val’s cutest girl today? By the way do you know her? LOL’ Oh dear Phil, we think you need to work on your follow up technique.

Don’t give up… ever
Lee (Ski France) had been going for Debbie (Ski France) all season and she held out until his last night in resort when she gave in to his advances. We keep saying it, boys, all you need is to just keep asking and eventually the girls will get bored and just give in.

Prepare Yourselves
Week 9 begins as we speak. Prepare for hundreds of Scandis in resort taking you for your dignity and anything else they can get hold of. Moris reckons it will once again be the home of Week 9 but we reckon the true home of week nine will be the bed of anyone who is single and available in town.

Really
We have heard some weird things in our time but Verve from Le ski, licking the ladies toilet in Saloon certainly deserves you getting thrown out.

Hard Pull
Apparently to pull Alex Allen (Bluenote) it takes more than the line “Spilff and sex at my place”. However same couldn’t be said for Matt (Bluenote).