A Request
Following on from the above shenanigans, BT (Moris) requests that people refrain from having sex in the Moris toilets. She isn’t a massive fan of discovering and cleaning up used condoms.

Hearts for Hartley
Olly has been making his presence felt this week in the affections of Katherine (VSpot). We aren’t entirely sure what happened but rest assured we will do our best to find out.

The Wrestler
Danyeo (Chardon) tried to better Benno at his game of wrestling a wooden street barrier to the ground. It didn’t go according to plan and the barrier managed to dislocate all her fingers. She then had to click them all back into place by herself. Dan’s advice: Don’t try to be as big as Benno.

Married
Claire (Warm Up) and Alex (Snowberry) were married in Dicks recently by Leapy, who claims that he is an ordained minister thanks to a rather boring period in his life when he broke his leg. Al (Blue Note) was best man and Naomi (Blue Note) was maid of honour. It can’t have been that memorable an occasion given that none of them remembered a thing the next day until someone reminded them of the previous night’s festivities.

Car Nap
Shala’s cries to take someone home with her after a night in Dicks were heard by Ed last week, but he got more than he bargained for when they were joined at 5am by the rest of the Dicks staff who jumped into bed with them, prompting him to run away and spend the rest of the night in his car.

Naked Wanderer
James (Basecamp) made the error of walking into Tommo (Saloon) and Ben’s (VSpot) apartment last week, having forgotten all of his clothes. Hoping for something, or perhaps someone, to help send him to sleep, he got into Tommo’s bed, but promptly wet himself. Have fun cleaning those sheets.

Dentistry
Liam (Moris) tried his hand at a new profession this week: dentistry. When spotted with a pair of pliers in boiling water he said that he was ‘sterilising them’ to remove his tooth. His amateur orthodontics were unsuccessful and he still had to have the root canal and lay off the booze while he completes his course of antibiotics.

Hiding in the Bushes
Freddie (Saloon) had questions last week about what it would be like to be with another man. None of the other Saloon boys was willing to satisfy his curiosity, but they claim that on their way to Dicks he mysteriously appeared from some bushes. What he was doing in there can’t be clarified at this point but perhaps it has something to do with his wandering mind?

Sausage Riding
Jono evidently hasn’t learnt his lesson about the sausages, and this week took some friends for a team competition on Le Face. It all got a bit gnarly and ended up with ripped jeans and ice burn, but everyone seemed to enjoy it and no damage was done. Expect some kind of unofficial world championship event by next week at the rate he’s going.

Old but still going
James (Warm Up) has been well and truly worn out by Sam’s sister in the bedroom. Not so keen on being woken up these days, James said that he had to pretend to be asleep so he wouldn’t have to summon up the blood for the 8th time in 20 hours. His quote was “I’m too old for this. I was like, ‘I’m too tired to do it again’.”

Snooze you Lose
Michaela (Moris) had such a grand birthday that she decided to end it by taking a nap in the very comfortable VIP area in Dicks. Owen (Dicks) tried to wake her, but even a good old shake couldn’t get her up. Turned out that all Sleeping Beauty needed was a kiss from Prince Charming.

Love is Crystal Clear
It would appear that Pete (Crystal), after many failed attempts, has finally found love….with Adam (Crystal). The pair have been caught shaving each other’s hair in nothing but boxers, comparing sizes (of belly button fluff?!?) and having mid-afternoon spooning sessions on the sofa! Who said romance was dead?

Quote of the Week
Tom (Bananas) “I’m actually a nice person but people are blinded by my good looks and think I’m an arsehole”

Culinary Delights
The Snowline girls have sussed out that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Apple Crumble is a hot favourite. We’re sure that the boys aren’t complaining and won’t be any time soon.

Gay Ski Week
Some seasonnaires have been taking European Gay Ski Week very seriously. Liam (Moris) took a game of chicken a step too far last week leaving him questioning whether he’s in or out of the closet and which team he will be batting for.

Heydå
A fond farewell to Per from Victors who is leaving us, breaking hearts all over resort and pleasing all the hotel managers who have swimming pools to look after. Who will take his place as resident Insider swim team pro!

Mantle Accepted
No sooner do we call for a new swim team than Phil (Moris) and Katy (Dicks) step up to the plate. Any small semblance of stealth was removed when Katy announced to the fellow swimmers that they were doing the front crawl ‘in her dirty sex water’. Bragging rights taken to the extreme.

Greg Evans, Ski Instructor 2
Just when you thought is was safe to go back on the Dicks dance floor http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huvHOTHB1Qc

Revenge
After last week Ralphy and Dan (Saloon) are out for revenge on Irish for his loose lips. Shame they didn’t seem to have anything that would grace these pages this week. Send us an email boys and we’ll quite happily help you give Irish his just deserts.

Table Dancers
The Victors restaurant girls were spotted dancing in their bras on a Folie table. Spring has finally sprung and it would appear that many a man in resort is very pleased about it.

Face Shots
Jono (Bananas) tried to mount a large inflatable sausage this week but the sausage was having none of it and viciously fought back the results of which are a bit of a fat lip and a good graze on the chin for poor Jono. Even worse was that he seemed to have a dream about the fight and ended up almost punching poor Jules (Danois) in the face while he was sleeping.

Sofa Surfing
Si (Saloon) has spent a few nights on his sofa this week but not because he’s in the doghouse. More like the night his girlfriend left resort he got so drunk that he threw up in his own bed and then didn’t change the sheets for three days because he apparently ‘couldn’t be bothered’.

Look Out
Audrey’s back and she’s a maneater apparently so all the red blooded males of Val d’Isere better watch their backs.

What’s the Story?
Nickie (VSpot) broke her shoulder this week and rumour has it that it was because Katherine (VSpot) pushed her off a table while having a good time at the Folie. Katherine however maintains that it happened when Nickie fell out of a sex swing. Who do you believe?

Rowdy Group
Punters were getting their dance on in Saloon and having an epic dance off in Saloon. Many a retro dance move was spotted being cracked out for the enjoyment of the crowd.

2 Hours
Poor Brommers (Moris) had to have her hair held back for two hours this week while she was being sick. What on earth have you been eating and drinking my dear! Dave (Moris) was the kind hair holder but apparently he may have tried to cop a feel at the same time!

Cranberry Craving
Leona is having to drink a lot of cranberry juice at the moment thanks to the amorous intentions of James from Powder White. We wish you a speedy recovery!

Stay out All Night
Poor Rachel (VIP) had to go to Dicks solo so her housemate could get some action back in their room. What a selfless act and we hope the favour is returned soon!

Rushed off His Feet
Henry has had a busy week what with trying to protect his sister’s dignity from various admirers and coming onto Briohny in a hot tub. Obviously a very good multi tasker.

Special Pizza Topping
Dave (Moris) had such a good time at the X Games last week that he fell down some stairs while carrying his pizza. Sadly it hit the deck, but as an ardent fan of the ten second rule he picked it up and ate it, apparently there was a bit of an aftertaste though that was more toilet than tasty delight.

Splash Landing
Per (Victors) is once again bidding to be on the Val swim team and this time taking Malin as his swim coach. His technique must be very good by now!

Duvel Part II
Following on from his fun times with the Duvel rep, Matt (Blue Note) was then unable to speak when his sister came into the bar so he was kindly taken away by Al who responsibly took him to Warm Up where every drink was apple juice except Matt thought it was Agwa and then snorted some sugar whilst hiding behind a menu. Apparently while this all was going down he was wearing a fetching pair of knickers on his head until he was chucked out for apparently shagging some girl in the toilet, but that was all made up too by his loving friends. Unlucky Matt!

A Request
Damo (Snowberry) asks that if possible could the lady seasonnaires shave their legs before coming to him for a boot fitting. A razor or a wax can’t be that expensive surely?

Moving Time
It would appear that Fredrik (Victors) has moved to the Danois for the season, he hasn’t slept in his own bed in at least 10 days at the last count.

Cheeky
www.cheekybutlers.co.uk and if you’re interested then one of them can be found in the Bananas kitchen this season, ask for Tom. He has also given up drinking and sex for the rest of the season but Katherine (VSpot) wonders what other parts of him are left after those two are taken out of the equation.

Too Important?
Sam (Jukebox Mamas) pissed on his own floor this week because apparently ‘the big cheese does not need a toilet’. Not so sure that’ll be true the morning afterwards.

Sugar Daddies
Elsie, Michaela (Moris) and Lauren and Katy (Dicks) picked up some older men in Dicks this week and were rewarded with a bottle of Veuve Cliquot each. They didn’t feel they could leave them in the lurch though so kindly escorted the gentlemen to Doudoune for the rest of their evening.

Glassed
Tommo (Pull-In) was unlucky once again as he took a glass to the face from a girl this week. The Danois staff were on hand to help clean him up but it took 5 stitches to put him back together. Seriously guys, you need to love more and hate less.

Wet Dreams
Ella (Warm Up) had rather a big night last week that ended with her having an ‘accident’ while she was asleep. One sheet wash and announcement to the whole of Warm Up later, she’s felt rather shamefaced and will definitely be trying to make it to the toilet on time in future.

Sleep Walk
Beware when you nap in the day because you might end up like Charlie who sleep-walked downstairs from his apartment into a random flat and then went for a number two in the middle of their living room. Even worse was that he had to return to reclaim his trousers following the event!

Cold Tub
Soph B (T4 Nanny) Wasn’t too interested in a gentleman holiday maker she meet in Dicks until she discovered her night could lead to (Hot) hot tub shinanigans. The walk of shame across town in the wee hours of the morning was a very cold & wet. It’s a good idea to take your clothes off before you get in the tub.

You’re Barred
Stu (Crystal) has been barred from a few establishments around town after getting ever so slightly hammered and then trying to get into places using phrases such as ‘don’t you know who I am?’ and ‘I’m practically your manager’. If you have to ask people if they know who you are then you’ve defeated the point of being somebody around town!

Collector’s Items
Georgie (Mountain Rooms) is collecting the male members of the Saloon staff. They believe she’s taking advantage of them in various drunken states, with Dan (Saloon) the last victim. Only one remains to complete the set, Georgie, but apparently he fancies your best mate!

Congrats
Chambers finally acquired her target last week and got a home run out of it. Congratulations on your persistence finally paying off!

I do
The Insider played vicar this week, marrying two bar staff in town. We aren’t sure if it’s legally binding, but please don’t come knocking on our door for a divorce as there’s far too much paperwork involved.

Rat Race
The date has been confirmed for the Greeneye Rat Race for 7th April, GET YOUR TEAMS READY!

Duvel
The Duvel rep was in town this week and certainly took Matt (Blue Note) for a ride. Last seen asleep on his own bar and talking something that wasn’t quite English, the rep obviously did a good job on selling his product to dear Matthew.

Question
Teddy (Saloon) would like to know whether you would prefer to shag a goat once and everyone know about it, or shag a goat every night and no one know. Answers on a postcard to Saloon please.

KP Dreams of Management
Rob (Danois) obviously loves his job as, when he falls asleep, not only does he talk about it but also shouts out the names of his managers Jules and Rach. Clearly these lovely ladies have been entertaining Rob’s subconscious all season.

RIP
Erin (YSE) killed Irish’s best friend and he claims he will never forgive her. RIP Albert the egg, aged 4 years.

Vom
Jock managed to be sick over himself and Verd (Le Ski) after he was handed a shooter that didn’t seem to quite want to stay down. He threw up over his companion who was apparently not bothered due to the fact that he ‘smelled anyway’. Jock, however, had no recollection of the event and was only told the following day, although he says he did know that he had ‘done something wrong’ whilst out on his bender.

Wax
Katherine (VSpot) has tamed her legendary nether region mogwai and finally had a wax. We believe it was a Californian. She celebrated by taking home one of the Surefoot lads for a show and tell session.

Smitten
Jack (La Foret) is apparently smitten with Sarah (Powder White). We wish you guys the best of luck but ask to be notified when you have completed the Foret rite of passage of getting down to it in the bar. We want to know which seating areas to avoid.

Spotted
Elliot (Dicks) and MC (Saloon) were spied canoodling in Dicks. Happy Birthday MC!

Rumours
Vicious rumours are spreading about Owen and Debbie having some Dicks staff love. We can’t confirm anything just yet but we’ll keep our eyes peeled for the dinner date.

Barreled Over
Tommo (Saloon) tried to have his way with Sarah (La Foret) in their barrel room but she wasn’t quite as keen and he almost ended up with a squirt of pepper spray to the face.

Burn Baby Burn
Sam (Jukebox Mama) had a trim this week as well when Jay (La Foret) took a Lynx can and a lighter, put them together to make a flame thrower and burnt off all the hair in his nether regions. Apparently he is a ‘hairy little hobbit’ so needed the trim anyway but he could quite possibly have done without the burns that came with it.

Help Please
Kat (4 seasons) needed help going to the toilet in her sleep the other night. IT required one of her housemates to carry her to the toilet, take down her trousers and pants and sit her down on the loo. She then went back to bed like it had been a run of the mill evening. Service with a smile?

Noise Complaint
Claire (Moris) took offence at the amount of noise being made clearing snow outside the Danois while she was trying to sleep. She opened up the curtains to give the noisy clearers a piece of her mind but forgot she was completely starkers. Some lucky snow shoveller got a good look at Claire’s best suit and there will now doubtless be fights started over who gets to clear snow at the Danois from now on.

Greg Evans, Ski Instructor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdya3ACk0QA

Mighty Bill
The above Insider story was a result of Henry (Bananas) ordering 400 B52 shots in Saloon as part of a celebration for Ben’s (important trader type) birthday… except that Ben ended up paying. The bill came to €1000 and they then went on to buy 40 Jaegerbombs in Dicks on the condition that they would only pay for them if the domino dropped perfectly. Unfortunately for them they had a very skilled bar person who managed the feat with no problems.

Builders
The residents of chalet spoon seem to believe that their places of employment are no longer good enough drinking establishments. They have built their own bar, tunnel and igloo in their back garden. Expect events to be listed in the What’s On any time soon.

Looking for Love
Ralphy (Saloon) is apparently looking for a lady friend. He’s not fussy but Irish believes that he is a nightmare to go swimming with as he’s distracted by all the bikinis. If you’re interested he’s the one under the lovely pink light in the DJ booth. We were told to put up his Facebook and phone number but we won’t go that far!

Correction
We last week said that Alex did not fall for the chat up line, but he maintains that he did and is actually quite proud of it.

Welcome Back
A hello to Tina and Mark who have returned to resort to the delight of many!

No Stamina
Timmy (Moris) celebrated his birthday last week but couldn’t handle it, as he needed a break in the middle for a nap and a TC before heading back down to the Moris and onwards to continue his celebrations.

Mistaken Identity
Identical twins have been causing havoc on some of the returning seasonnaires this week as an old Danois staff member came for a visit with his twin in tow. Si (Saloon) grabbed his bum thinking he was his brother and Abi (Moris) gave him a piece of her mind for not visiting her when the poor twin had no idea who they were!

Buses
Eddie (Dicks) has been struggling with the ladies all season but, like buses, you wait all season for one and then three come along at once. Unlike buses, one of these three left him with something at the end of his ride that might require a replacement service from Doc Al.

Perve
Ben (VSpot Leaflet Boy) was unlucky enough to be found by Laurie asleep in the VSpot flat holding Laurie’s girlfriend’s knickers in one hand with the other down his pants. Laurie was decidedly unimpressed and woke Ben up with a few buckets of water. Ben retaliated by pissing all over the flat. He was then evicted and managed to fall down the stairs so they took pity on him, brought him back and locked him in the bathroom, but not before they had covered him with eggs and tomato ketchup leaving him with a very fetching hairstyle.

Keeping Each Other Amused
The Crystal chalet hosts are having a fair amount of incest this year, most recently in Moris on Tuesday where their constant pulling of each other with no preference for girl or boy scared Moris customers, especially with balls being slapped on faces and rambunctious drinking games. The incest continues to naked 5am swims, group spoonings and public nudity which apparently has infiltrated all the way to their management. Good work Crystal!

Dirty Stop Out
Phil (Moris) has not been home before 12 in the afternoon for quite a few days now. He seems unable to explain his absences with anything other than a bit of a grin.

Anyone for a biscuit?
Tommo (Saloon) has continued his run of bad behaviour this week although he’s gone in a new direction. After a night in Saloon he took up the challenge of eating a urinal biscuit. Teddy (Saloon) selected a particularly soggy one for his dining pleasure and, after he had consumed some of it, it emerged that it came with some extra hairy seasoning. Careful girls, sometimes you just don’t know where someone’s mouth has been.

Motto for Life
Nav (Dicks) believes in the motto ‘try, try and try again’. Thanks Moris!!

Dirty Play
Matt (Blue Note) was denied his chance to play a shot in the Pacific pool competition after someone ignored his or her inner sportsman and de-kegged him whilst he tried to play. Who said playing fair was any fun!

Stop Thief!
Sarah (La Foret) had to chase a thief all the way back to his apartment last week after he nabbed a bottle of Bacardi from behind the bar. She chased him down as he locked himself in his bathroom to escape but he still got a firm telling off. La Foret go that extra mile to make themselves heard!

Swim Team
There has been a lot of swimming going on this week, with competitive spirits on display as Henry (Bananas) challenged Nickie (VSpot) to race across the cover. Nickie claimed to be the winner, but Henry admitted he’d deliberately thrown the race as there was more enjoyment in following behind her.

Swim Team 2
The other team of water babies this week managed to get some food out of their swim when they managed to obtain a joint of meat. As they were responsible swimmers they waited until afterwards to eat it and celebrated their find by having a fake disco, switching the lights on and off in their room, and waking up poor Lauren (Dicks) in the process.

Word For the Wise
We’d just like to mention on a more serious note for everyone, please stay out of the Gorge De Malpasset up on the mountain. It’s really dangerous and we promise you that you can’t have impressive chat for apres if you’re in hospital or worse. So take our word for it on this one.

Dear Mummy and Daddy,

I am getting sick of the snow. Uncle Algenon is right – this whole global warming thing is a load of absolute rot and anyone who can afford one should be allowed to drive around in a Range Rover so I’m putting the new Vogue at the top of my birthday list again.

These people who say that world is heating up should come out here. it’s bally freezing. As I write this I’ve got two pairs of thermal underwear on as well as my frilly knicks. It’s really too cold to ski. All this weather is good for is sitting inside and drinking tea and eating cake.

And as for sea level rising – well that’s just ridiculous. Bim and Muffy are trying to organise an end of season beach holiday and we’re over nine hours from the nearest seaside. I really don’t think there’s a problem. Well actually there is – sea levels aren’t high enough! I mean, I wouldn’t need a beach right in the resort as it’s too cold to go for a dip, but maybe an hour or so away.

It has given me a new found respect though for the people who live here all year round. Imagine living in these freezing conditions twelve months of the year. Maybe they the reason they keep the Christmas decorations up all year round is to keep up moral. I thought it was just laziness but I mean, if it snowed all year round back at Wysteria Cottage, I’d probably want to keep the Christmas tree up too. Oh my gosh!

Maybe they get two Christmasses. Well it’s not fair if I only get one. I’ll look into it.

Lots of love, Tiz X

Special Offer
It’s 2-4-1 at Dicks but it certainly isn’t on any drinks behind the bar.

Keep At It
Phil (Moris) was lucky enough to pull Katy (Dicks) and obviously wanted it to be a good night. Shame that he’d had a little too much to drink, but he kept on trying and trying, finally having a go in the morning just to make sure she got something out of the tryst.

Team Bonding
The staff at Moris Hotel have been doing some intense team bonding in the last few weeks. They all know each other VERY well now and, apart from some awkward moments, they are a party of five that obviously work very well together.

Correction
We’d like to apologise to our cover star from last week. We incorrectly spelt your middle name. It should be Henry Seymour Coxe. If you want autographs go to Bananas with last week’s edition.

Early Onset Alzeimhers
Domski (Warm Up) seems to be losing his memory. It must be quite a night if you can’t remember whether you broke up a fight or whether you were in one.

Trousers Down
Adam (Crystal) was left red cheeked after coming in from a drunken night out and deciding he needed the toilet. He sat down, did the business and then realised he had forgotten one important element… to take his trousers down. Apparently he was quite proud of what he’d done. Adam, we hope you’ve cleaned your trousers thoroughly because that isn’t a chocolate stain.

Slap in the Face
Ben (VSpot flyer boy) was a little bit drunk in Dicks last week and claimed he wouldn’t remember it the next day. Lia (Dicks) slapped him over the face and asked if he’d remember that. He tried to drunkenly retaliate but missed his target and managed to hit the till straight off the bar. We wonder if he remembers being descended on by Dicks bouncers and ejected from the club for his behaviour.

Boy Love
The Bananas chefs have been caught kissing in Doudoune. Hope it doesn’t make it awkward in the work place.

Beauty Salon
Kenny and Zlatan (Danois) obviously believe their room is not only a sex den but also a beauty parlour after they cracked out a pair of electric clippers to give Katherine (VSpot) a trim down in her lower regions. Having discovered it was simply too big a job, they tried to shave off one of her eyebrows instead. Stick to the day job boys.

Love Note
Emily (Bananas) one drunken night gave a potential lover a note asking to meet her in Bananas the next day. He did as he was told but managed to mistake Annette (Bananas) for Emily leaving her very confused until a red faced Emily arrived to take responsibility for the previous night.

Counter Claims
The Surefoot boys would like to counter Owen’s statement about the standard of burgers in town. They believe the Moris burger menu to be the finest in town and have numbers in triple figures to back up their claims. We’re printing this, boys, but I don’t think flattery will get you a discount.

Bad Behaviour
Apparently if you ask to be tasered then people will just do it. Steph (Bananas) made this very strange request and now has joined the ranks of troublemakers who have been tasered outside Val nightclubs.

Saloon Love
Apparently Briohny and Tommo (Saloon) are in love following a passionate embrace after après at the Folie, but we’ve also heard that Tommo has a thing for Kely from the Folie. We’ll leave you two/three to work it out.

A Bad Week
Dave (Ski France) has had a bit of a bad week. Despite being maintenance he struggled to put away a sofa bed, but more embarrassingly after a night of passion down in La Daille he had to ask the lucky lady’s name the morning after. Thankfully the shame was shared as she couldn’t remember his either (she was called Kathy by the way).

New Chairs Please
Henry (Bananas) went to Victors for a pleasant meal last week but it all went a bit pear shaped when his chair collapsed beneath him. Apparently it made a noise like a Giant Redwood being uprooted, bringing the whole of Victors to a standstill and leaving Henry lying on his back in the middle of the packed restaurant. Henry, Victors say that you owe them a chair and nothing but the finest Scandinavian craftsmanship will do.

It Keeps Going
Chalet Spoon is back on track this week with Lauren and Elliot (Dicks) having a good sesh to while away the cold nights.

Text Pest
Phil (Moris) knows how to flatter a girl, sending one a text the morning after which read ‘Hey how’s Val’s cutest girl today? By the way do you know her? LOL’ Oh dear Phil, we think you need to work on your follow up technique.

Don’t give up… ever
Lee (Ski France) had been going for Debbie (Ski France) all season and she held out until his last night in resort when she gave in to his advances. We keep saying it, boys, all you need is to just keep asking and eventually the girls will get bored and just give in.

Prepare Yourselves
Week 9 begins as we speak. Prepare for hundreds of Scandis in resort taking you for your dignity and anything else they can get hold of. Moris reckons it will once again be the home of Week 9 but we reckon the true home of week nine will be the bed of anyone who is single and available in town.

Really
We have heard some weird things in our time but Verve from Le ski, licking the ladies toilet in Saloon certainly deserves you getting thrown out.

Hard Pull
Apparently to pull Alex Allen (Bluenote) it takes more than the line “Spilff and sex at my place”. However same couldn’t be said for Matt (Bluenote).

Who Ate All the Pies?

Well Kept Secrets
There have been revelations emanating from VSpot this week. We quote, “One of the staff is a Mensa member and another is a gender bender”.

Time for the AA
Irish (Saloon) has yet to take a night off drinking in 2010. We hope he isn’t starting the decade as he means to go on because we reckon he’ll be on a dialysis machine by 2012.

Blown Away
Steph and Emily (Bananas) had an embarrassing incident with a hand dryer this week. Lesson learnt for next time, eh?

Chivalry
Ever the gentleman, Hugo (Warm Up) gave up his bed for a very drunk Brommers (Moris) after a night out. He then decided to get into bed with James (Warm Up) and spoon him so Brommers could sleep in peace. It was all in vain as Andy (Warm Up) snored the house down, denying anyone the chance for 40 winks.

Finally
Penny and Brossers (Dicks) have finally done the deed after months of speculation by their fellow staff members and various others in resort. Congratulations guys, now when can we expect a wedding invite?

A Trip to the Movies
Jack (Moris) has a particular type of film he has sex to. He claims you simply need to put on something you don’t have to see all of to understand. Stardust is his chosen title du jour to accompany a bit of horizontal gymnastics. We’re betting the next time you feel quite disturbed the next time you watch it… especially if you’re watching it with Jack.

Epidemic
A few of the boys from Warm Up have got themselves into the embarrassing situation of passing illness onto each other… and not by coughing or sneezing. Incestuous dating and partner swapping has left a few of them needing to take a shame-faced trip to Doc Al. All we want to know is who started it!

Check this Out
Please visit www.fhm.com/girls/high-street-honeys/bambionice

No Money
Tom (Bananas) has turned to prostitution for a bit of cash. He asked the Insider to be his pimp but sadly we don’t approve of rent boys so he had to look elsewhere.

Bubble Sex
Alex (Saloon) confirmed to us that she and Frosty (Dicks) have officially had sex in the Fornet bubble and that it was pretty good and they had time for a chat afterwards. Thanks for letting us know; a Sex on the Piste badge for both of you.

Foot in Mouth Syndrome
Owen (Dicks) offended Abi (Moris) over the standard of burgers in resort, claiming that 4 Seasons and Danois were ranked higher on his list than the Moris. After sternly telling him off, Abi would like to state that she has complete faith in her burgers and will not stand for anyone saying otherwise.

Ouch
Paul (La Foret) ended up losing a tooth last week when he was kind enough to try and break up a fight. One very expensive tooth replacement later, his winning winning smile has been restored, though he’ll probably be thinking twice before trying to break up another scrap.

Another Danois Double Standard:
One of the boys from room 1 would like to accuse the girl from room 4 of having double standards when it comes to complaining about sex noises that disturb the neighbours. Those in glass houses… shouldn’t sunbathe in the nude.

Bum Off
There has been outrage this week at last week’s announcement of the best bum in Val d’Isère. Frosty (Dicks) and an anonymous source have been passionately arguing the merits of the cases of Alex and
Charlotte (Saloon) and demanding a rematch. We’ll leave it in your hands, guys.

Plotting
Matt and Al (Blue Note) left Val last week to watch the Man U – AC Milan game in Milan, leaving the girls to fend for themselves. Lou (Blue Note) swears to me that they are actually on a secret romantic weekend and that at some point they will have woken up naked next to each other. That’s what happens when you leave girls to gossip amongst themselves!

Failure
Losing is always embarrassing but to lose in as spectacular a fashion as James (Warm Up) is rare. After taking on Andy (Warm Up) at pool he failed to pot a single ball in the time it took Andy to clear the table and pot the black. His punishment? To run around the table with his trousers down, which he did to complete his humiliation. We hope he wasn’t trying to impress any ladies at the time.

Don’t Lie
Eddie (Dicks) was adamant that he would not be going home with Lia (Dicks). His resistance lasted until approximately 1am when the Jaegerbombs and vodka pommes took hold and he was spotted by various Dicks door staff walking towards Chalet Spoon with the lady in question.

Restraining Order
Michaela (Moris) is probably going to have to look into getting a bodyguard if she collects any more stalkers. Toilet trips in Dicks are now a veritable gauntlet as she tries to avoid her various jilted lovers.

Speed Dating
We couldn’t leave you without passing comment on the speed dating on Valentine’s Day. Abi (Moris), who arranged the whole affair, was very unimpressed with the standard of men on offer, and the girls were definitely in the majority. The winners were MC (Saloon) for the girls and Max Power for the boys, who was an unknown entry. Some people didn’t seem to quite know how to play the game and the boys struggled to move in a clockwise direction consistently.

Love Table
The Saloon boys have got a love table in Dicks where they work their magic. If you wish to avoid it, then it’s the dark one in the corner. Obviously being able to see each other isn’t necessary at the love table. Dark secrets occurring in a dark corner near you.

200m High Club
Who says that the bubble down from Folie is too small for your sex on the piste badge! I can find you two Danois staff and a girl of their choice who can happily prove you wrong.

Lateness Not Accepted
Dan (Saloon) was rewarded for being late last week when the dishwashers were out of order. Taking it on the chin, he washed hundred of glasses only to find out it was a practical joke and the dishwashers had miraculously started to work again.

Announcement
Katy (Dicks) officially has the best bum in resort. After extensive research by various male bar staff a winner has been announced in the inaugural ‘bum off’ competition.

Fork no Spoon
One of the VIP nannies was disgusted last week to find that there was no cutlery available in Dicks to eat the pie that she had brought back with her. Baby Mike (Moris) was luckily at hand and said he’d take her back to the Moris and get her a fork. It doesn’t sound like a line, but it worked a treat. Proof that if you want a spoon (or more), then perhaps you need to offer a fork.

Double Standard
After his sexual exploits last week and the subsequent telling-off, Rob (Danois) would like to accuse Nickie (VSpot) of double standards. After a rather drunken night out, she kicked her housemate out of a bottom bunk claiming she just wanted to talk to her escort home and didn’t want to wake anyone. 20 minutes and a vomit later it was clear that they weren’t talking, confirmed when Rob walked in to see the bottom of a naked boy along with a horrified housemate next door wondering where the cheapest launderette was.

Confession
You know you have a good relationship with your managers when you can confide in them that the girl you are seeing gives the ‘best blowjobs ever’, especially when the same girl works in the bar with you. Jack (Moris), you must be very pleased if you’re shouting it from the rooftops.

Seconds Please
Pete (Crystal) unknowingly took Andrew’s (Crystal) sloppy seconds. Andrew had just finished with a certain kid’s rep visiting Val when Pete decided to insert several digits and stir Andrews porridge so to speak! Poor Pete

Put out or Pay Out
Freddie (VIP) brought out his vindictive side this week. After taking a lady home and finding she was more up for a spoon than anything of a more sexual variety, he decided to say goodnight. He got his revenge by taking a souvenir with him that will be keeping him in drinks all week. Who needs tips!

All over the shop
It’s a good thing that it’s deep clean time. After the exploits of some members of La Foret, the pool table and sofas definitely need a wipe down. Hopefully there won’t be any stubborn stains to contend with.

Dirty Talk
Rich (Moris) has a filthy mouth, and apparently doesn’t even know it. It didn’t seem to impress his lover who obviously likes polite well mannered young men in the bedroom.

More Sex On The Piste
One of the park boys almost got his sex on the piste badge last week. After a night at Doudoune he took his lady to the Solaise chair, pulled down the bubble and got down to it. He missed out because you need to have beeped your lift pass for the badge. Rules are rules but well done for trying.

Peeping Toms
The Warm Up girls found themselves being watched by prying eyes from the hotel opposite their apartment this week, but instead of drawing the curtains they put on a show and then got the boys to do the encore. Their audience was very pleased and returned the favour.

He has Returned
Frosty (Dicks) has returned and Alex (Saloon) is pretty pleased about it. They’ve been at it like rabbits since his feet touched down in Val and their whole house knows about, particularly Jack (La Foret). After looking for something under his bed, he reappeared to see Frosty’s cock in his face and its proud owner looking down on him.

Moustache
Facial hair February continues at the Moris with more of the staff looking like they shouldn’t be near a playground any time soon. Barty has been called dashing by one admirer though, and Baby Mike is still lagging behind.

Human Mop
Tragedy struck in Blue Note last week when The Loop staff came to town. One of them managed to vomit on the floor at Blue Note and when Daisy came up with the empties she fell front first into the very slippery pile of sick. Lou came to her aid and fortunately she wasn’t injured, just covered in vom. Ever the brave soldier, Daisy carried on working and even paraded it in Dicks that night. Possibly not the perfume she would have chosen. It did all end in tears The Loop crew as two more of them fell victim to the sick while Lou was cleaning it up.

Folie Fridays
If you want to pull a staff member of Dicks, après at Folie seems to do the trick. Fraser and friends are making sure formal Fridays kick off in style by getting in a quickie and then going to work. Après to the extreme!

Vomit
Poor Elspeth (Moris) had a bit of a nightmare of a night out last week. After getting in the middle of a fight in Dicks, she drowned her sorrows slightly too much. A chivalrous Matt (Blue Note) took her back to his for safe keeping only to be rewarded by her vomiting all over his bed.

Shush
Jules (Danois) would like to request that room one please keep the noise down, and she doesn’t mean music.

Nudist Val
Timmy (Moris) celebrated his return to Val by dropping his trousers on request. It didn’t take much effort and has definitely set the tone for his behaviour for the rest of the season.

How Many?
Jack (Saloon) seems to be enjoying his newly single status and has been celebrating with girls all over town, not just the ones in the Moris. We heard a rumour that the total was 7, but that’s just a rough estimate so feel free to put the record straight.

Cougar Town
Al (Blue Note) broke his dry spell last week. What he didn’t tell us was that he went for an older model. Age clearly doesn’t automatically equate to wisdom as there was some up-skirt action on the dance floor. Al claimed that neither her age nor anything else was an issue, and I quote, “I haven’t had sex in a while. Don’t judge me!”

Stalker I
By strange coincidence, some of the girls from Bananas have started going to the gym around the same time as Barty (Moris) joined. We aren’t saying they aren’t on a health kick, but it all seems very convenient and a touch late for New Year’s resolutions.

Confessions
Dave (Le Ski) confessed his love to Michaela last week only to be disappointed when Tim (Snowberry) took her home instead. Treat them mean and keep them keen!

Need a Map
Domski (Warm Up) has earned the title of the ‘Lone Wanderer’ after taking four hours to get to a party up the road. Given timekeeping, and perhaps map reading, are not his strong suits we wouldn’t suggest taking up orienteering any time soon.

Toilet Humour
When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go; but honestly Andy (Basecamp), if you’re going to do a number two please find a toilet and not a snowdrift opposite Dicks in full view of all the door staff, as there’s no way you’ll get in when you clearly haven’t washed your hands.

Lick This
Will (Moris) woke up feeling a bit parched the other morning and felt the need to let Phil (Moris) know, irrespective of the lady in the bed with him. Thinking the best way to get his point across was to get Phil to feel his tongue, Will put Phil’s fingers in his mouth without checking where they had been beforehand. Wash your mouth out with soap young man. Those fingers definitely weren’t clean.

Congrats
Well done to Dougie for passing your exams. While we all love to celebrate, please remember that Saloon is not a self-service bar and your celebrations will be cut short if you continue to treat it that way.

Bathroom Nap
Barty (Moris) has discovered that you can avoid noisy flatmates by locking yourself in the bathroom but that if you fall asleep in there you will wake up cold, thinking it might not have been worth the effort after all.

Mummy
Ella (Warm Up) has revealed that at the tender age of eleven she asked her mum what a blow job was and then proceeded to question her on whether she had ever given her dad one. Matured early then? That’s still not an acceptable excuse for cracking a lobster claw and announcing to the table that it smelt a bit like your vagina. True or not, we just don’t want to hear about it in a seafood restaurant.

Clean Sheets
Jack (Mark Warner) was caught by the Moris staff having sex in the laundry room after they heard suspicious noises. If those sheets were clean they probably aren’t any more.

Squeaky
A request for Rob (Danois); if you have sex, please can you find a more solid bunk bed in which to do it. Better yet, find a bottom bunk. Nicky (V-Spot) is struggling to look you in the eye.

Late Insider
Having fallen off a few bar stools ourselves, the Insider sympathises, but to break two ribs in the process means you need to consider relegating yourself to sofas and booths; a little friendly advice for Jock (Snowberry) who hit the deck at Dicks last week.

Facial Upkeep
As we wandered the streets for the Insider this week Tommo (Pull-In) had an impromptu facial wax. Don’t worry. Your eyelashes will grow back in a month or so.

Lock In
Lou (Blue Note) had a bit of a mare last week when she managed to lock herself in her own apartment without keys for the door or the keys to open up Blue Note. Following a desperate phone call to Daisy, the day was saved and we were all able to take advantage of the nibbles once more.

Simma Lugnt
Per and Rebecca (Victors) went for their swimming badge last week in a local hotel, but it wasn’t all front crawl and butterfly. Getting frisky during a night time swim? I know where I won’t be taking a dip any time soon.

Stalker II
Tom (Dicks) hid from his stalker in the kitchen, DJ booth and toilets of Dicks, but he couldn’t avoid her when he found her outside his apartment, and gave in. Proof that persistence is key

Drinking isn’t the answer
Ben (Danois) claims that his tattoo, featured last week in the photos, was actually done when he was drunk and unconscious. That’s the harshest prank we have ever heard of. Something tells us a lawsuit may be in the offing.

Treasure Hunt
Lost your wallet? Then you better hope Si and Teddy (Saloon) don’t find it. Cryptic text messages in English and Danish as well as outright refusing to pick up the phone make for a very frustrating evening don’t they Tom?

See it Off
Never one to hide away from a dare James (Saloon) was bet that he couldn’t down a bottle of toffee vodka. So to prove them wrong he did just that, shame he can’t remember who it was who laid down the bet and that he wasn’t able to drink for 5 days afterwards.

Missing, one ball
Alex (Saloon) had the pleasure of meeting a young man with a prosthetic testicle last week; she had a look, had a feel, and then had a bite! Apparently the texture is a lot like a bouncy ball, soft but firm. Good to know, we’ll remember that if it ever appears on a pub quiz.

Staff Discount
Nikolas (Doudoune) was spotted this week making a play on some lovely brunettes in the club he works at. We assume part of the deal was drinks at staff prices all night.

Pizza Topping
The new La Foret glass collector was lucky enough to take home a friend of Holly (warm up) last week. Sadly she was feeling a bit worse for wear and whilst holding his slice of pizza added some slightly less appetizing toppings of her own. But as he says, you’d rather it was on your pizza than in your bed.

For €10
Tom (Bananas) downed a glass of the spicy mustard dressing in Bananas for the measly cost of €10. We think Henry got himself a bargain for that one, but what else will he do for that amount? We dread to think.

Triangle
Fraser we hear it was three in one day. You have been busy haven’t you!

She’s got skills
Danyeo (Chardon) got herself in an arm wrestling competition with Benno and Jay (La Foret). Ater losing to Benno she claimed victory over Jay who should really get to the gym some time soon to save face.

Doctor Doctor
Michaela (Moris) has been told to lay off the peanuts and beer following her medical after the diagnosis for her not being able to touch her toes was that her belly was in the way. Becky J got the same remark, but her ability to touch her toes saved her from any more witty additions to her medical file.

Double Trouble
A poor Crystal manager suffered a cruel fate when it emerged two chalet hosts had the same problem downstairs and that the missing link was him.

A Night to Forget
There are some nights that just don’t go your way, especially when they involve a girl and a car crash. A Snowberry driver managed just that when trying to impress a girl by driving her home from Dicks, except it all when wrong when the roundabout got involved and then the Gendarme arrived at the crash and cracked out a breath test. It’s all good, you’re free to go home, except you get the car stuck in a car park barrier and by this point you’ve lost the girl. That’s the most you’ll pay to impress a girl this side of a private concert by the Rolling Stones, happy job-hunting!

Swapsies
There has been more swapping this week at the Moris where Sophie and Becky T (Moris) exchanged Jacks for one night only. But Jack (Moris) and Sophie didn’t stick to each other as they both made other conquests during the evening, with Sophie even managing to spoon Phil (Moris) at the end of the night. BT though says the deal has been sealed and would like to be awarded pro-ho status.

Hello Sir
Jonny, when will you learn that greeting parents in your underwear won’t get you any bonus points, even if you aren’t seeing the girl in question.

Turncoat
Liam, if you will ask us to put your photo in the echo, don’t moan when you get your wish!

Octogirl
Anna (Victors) is currently in hot competition with some other girls to see who can win in the numbers game of men. 8 seems to be a popular number in resort these days, but we aren’t sure whether she’s winning the race or not.

Sexual Learning
Tom says that ‘70% of people don’t know how to have sex, or are having sex for the wrong reasons” to which a Dicks staff member or two asked him if he would show them what the 70% are doing wrong. That’s if he can get into his apartment after locking himself out and saying he had “too big a frame” to fit through his window and was wandering round Dicks trying to pick up a skinny boy to take home to his apartment.

I do
Kenny (Danois) claims that he is officially ordained and can marry you. Danois is the new Las Vegas with marriage packages available on request.

I’m just a child
Vicky (VIP) has been having some age issues this week after a Russian suitor said if she were twenty years younger, he’d marry her. Well that would make her 3, so it might not be a match made in heaven.

Party Time
The Dicks staff seem to have some issue with keeping it in their pants until they get home, last week it was a vestiere this week it’s all out in the open. Nav a cardigan is no substitute for a bed.

Take it away
Tom (Danois) made a small error when someone tried to put some posters up on the wall of the bar. After saying there was no space he gave them permission to take down the Switch posters only then to find out that the people were putting up posters for Switch. People need to get name tags or something….

A Final Note
Some people are taking drastic measures to stay out of the Insider. Please guys, we don’t take sexual favours as currency.

Tit for Tat
Continuing a story from last week, the war between Saloon and Dicks has escalated. The Dicks staff stole the precious Golden Gnome that sits behind the Saloon bar, only to get their just desserts when the Saloon staff stole the only set of keys to Dicks. According to Katy (Dicks), they went below the belt by leaving her jacket to ‘chill’ in the ice freezer. Saloon released this statement: “Don’t try to out-gypsy a gypsy!”

Trouser Fight
Holly (Warm Up), in her attempts to move a paralytic Andy (Warm Up), started dragging him by the ankles only to realise she had some trousers in her hand but no boy inside them. Her next step was to beat him round the head with his own jeans, but it took James to get him to move!

Stick to the Day Job
Henry (Bananas) has revealed that APPARENTLY he used to be a hairdresser. After the haircut he and Tom (Danois) gave Rob (Danois), we’re inclined to think he might have been telling fibs. Lopsided bowl cuts aren’t really the happening thing, especially when even a REAL hairdresser is unable to fix it.

Happy Birthday
Daisy (Blue Note) celebrated her birthday in style by head-butting a pint glass on the bar. Not content with this she went to put on her jacket, refusing help until she realised that the arm just wasn’t going into her coat, and requiring help from Ben to get dressed properly.

Crime on the Rise
Two wayward ex-Snowline employees took it upon themselves to liberate some of the VIP vehicles from the garage. They weren’t able to achieve their goal, so they simply walked back to Dicks and drowned their sorrows, knowing that there wouldn’t be a plush minivan to go home in.

Stingy Tipper
Rach (Danois) was rewarded for her hard work in the restaurant last week with a tip that was just a line made out for her on the table. The guest obviously didn’t realise that the Danois isn’t a London nightclub and was escorted from the premises. Rach, you should have grabbed the rolled-up note from his hand!

Flasher
Labradoodle got her nips out for what has been coined as ‘Slutty Sunday’, complete with reserved table in Dicks acting as her stage.

Sleepover
Amelie and Holly (Warm Up) have lined up their mattresses on the floor. At the last count there were four. We aren’t sure how much company you girls are expecting, but make sure to let us know when you set a record. Girly sleepover? We don’t believe you for one minute!

Nun
Sarah (La Foret) has chosen celibacy over boys. Apparently it’s all just too complicated.

Caught with Your Trousers Down
You take off your clothes and check them into the vestiaire, not get into the vestiaire and take your clothes off. A lesson learned for Stu and Sophie (Dicks) who got it all the wrong way round in the old Dicks cloakroom.

Vampire Love
Phil (Moris) got a bit of a shock when the lady he was with thought he looked good enough to eat. The hungry nanny took a bite into his pectoral, and he then had to deal with the infection that followed. Seriously girls, eat food not your lover.

Snap Happy
To celebrate her friend’s 30th at home, Claire (Warm Up) decided to take pictures of 30 penises during her night out to send him via text message. She only managed 9, so obviously needs to work on her powers of persuasion. Either that or your average Val d’Isère man has suddenly become shy this season.

Bear Trapper’s Hat
At a recent 101 after-party, Katherine (VSpot) mentioned that it had been a while between waxes. Henry (Bananas) gallantly offered to let her borrow the Veet for Men they keep in the flat (why does that product even exist?). He initially described what she then exposed as being ‘patchy like a granny’s chin’ but what, by the end of lunch the next day, hyperbole had turned into a full, nether region dwelling mogwai. Katherine, just make sure you follow the rules: don’t expose it to the sunlight, don’t get it wet and never feed it after midnight.

Bye Bye
Val lost two Aussies this week, and they were seen off with a standard Tuesday night on the town, complete with a table reserved at Dicks in their names. Dougal (now ex-Danois) maintains he has to leave because he forgot to tell his mother, simply walked out the house one day and she has only now realised he’s missing. Ben says he has to leave town because his boot fitting standards have dropped. Either way ta-ra boys, you will be missed.

Flasher II
Ed (Dicks) has been telling the ladies that, for the small price of a flash of boob, he will in turn show them his equipment. While the girls then put theirs away, he is content to keep it all on show. Ladies with a more delicate constitution can’t handle the view.

Fooled
No one likes to be the butt of a joke but Drew (Le Lodge) was sadly the victim of a faux fun brownie. After wolfing it down he claimed to have felt all the effects one might expect. Obviously the placebo effect is real. Either that or he didn’t want to insult the chef who made the brownie.

Party?
Pole dancing revealed to us that more boys than girls have an inner stripper named Precious, but Ella didn’t even need a pole. She quite happily ran around Danois shouting “PARTY” and pulling up her t-shirt without incentive or any desire to be in the actual competition.

Shameless
Tom’s number 8 is obviously proud of her assets. She wandered through his apartment like it was a nudist beach, then went to the toilet with the door open before returning to his bed. The next morning while covering his dignity with a sheet, Tom had to ask a less than amused Katherine to get him a tissue. He must really have needed to blow his nose!

Top and Tail
Even when you have someone’s feet in your face it’s possible to get in the mood. Michaela (Moris) managed it with Phil, who had a little something to attend to when it all became too much in the evening. We’ve heard
reports of stroking, but nothing can be confirmed!

High Maintenance
Jack (Saloon) apparently takes as long as the girls to get ready for a night out. We’ve heard reports of GHD straighteners, hair dryers and fake tan. Apparently this gets him lots of requests from guys at the bar, perhaps not the attention he was looking for.

In Demand
Sarah (La Foret) has apparently got four men after her. We’d love to see her diary; it must be difficult juggling all the attention. Ski in the day, après, dinner, drinks and then a night out…it’s possible.

Please Sir, I Need The Toilet
Apparently the Warm Up toilets are being used for liaisons with toy boys. If there’s an age gap of more than ten years, that’s where to head. Apparently there will be a support group forming in the Moris toilets in a few weeks.

Gypsies
Saloon’s resident gypsy kindly asks the Dicks boys to stop stealing their things, horrified having been served a pint in Dicks in a Saloon pint glass. It would appear the Dicks staff have no shame when it comes to theft but, we ask, what use have you for a triangle if it isn’t Triangle Tuesday? They’ll be trying to steal shot
glasses next. Someone call the gendarmerie!

Lucky Escape
Poor El (Moris) had far too much caffeine last week and it landed her in hospital in Bourg for three days following an epileptic fit in Dicks. Lucky lady though, as her EHIC card took the hit on the 4 grand charge for the MRI scan (on a serious note, check the expiry on your EHIC)

Only Virgin in the Village
9/10 from VSpot is apparently one of the only girls in resort who would be able to wear pure white to her wedding.

Pot Shot
It has come to our attention that Jason (La Foret) has been playing more than pool on the La Foret pool table. Those tables stain you know!

Looking for Love
The Bananas girls would like to send out a request for some ‘nice boys’. Interpret that how you will, but we’re doubtful that putting an ad in the Insider will give you the results you’re looking for!

Love on the Sea
Dave and Leona (Pacific) are making baby steps towards the first Pacific union of the season, but apparently it takes more than a few drinks to get into Leona’s good books.

Sleeping Beauty
Dave (Ski France) obviously looks pretty while he sleeps. Having a quick cat nap against the DJ booth in Dicks he managed to pull a girl, literally with his eyes closed. It must have gone bad at some point as he woke up bruised and battered the next morning and also realised that he had eaten a hot dog, including the
cardboard wrapper it came in. A bit of fibre is good for digestion we hear.

8
8 in a week; now that’s stamina.

Lost Tape
Abi (Moris) thought she had lost every kind of tape in the Moris, from Duct tape to Sellotape. It soon dawned on her that she’d used it all taping people together for wingman, and even for taping the Insider’s hands together! You can tape our hands together, but we’ll still get the story in the end.

Young Love
Let it be heard around resort; Celeste and Johan are an Item!

Plumbing
Adam needs some help unblocking his sink. We can’t give you the details of the blockage, but if you know a good plumber then get in touch!

It was all a dream
Keith (Saloon) swears that girls having some fun on top of him, without his express permission to do so, keep waking him up. We believe he might just be taking a leaf from Frosty’s book and falling asleep during the vinegar strokes; either that or eating too much cheese and having very, very vivid dreams.

What’s Next?
Brommers brought a man back to après. It must be serious!

Wife Swap
Warm Up are once again getting their name about. Hugo got it on with Andy’s ex, while Andy slept soundly in the bunk below. Come on guys, at least use the bathroom for some privacy… that is, as long as your sink is solid.

Cold Turkey
Pacific have had to go on the wagon. It’s all got too much, so they are consoling themselves with tea and hot chocolate. Man up guys; you don’t want people to think you’re soft.

A Request
Alex, the Dicks staff would like you to leave your glasses at home. You’re far fitter without them! Don’t hide those lovely eyes!

Connections
Mike (Moris) was getting some attention from the ladies in Dicks but didn’t manage to capitalize, as he was sick all over the bar. Johnny came to sort him out, but Mike announced he would speak to Fraser who kindly let him stay. It’s not what you know, it’s definitely who.