The Mountain Echo

From: chalettilly@hotmail.com
To: timothy.crawley-moore@schroeders.com
SUBJ: “POWERS THAT BE”

Dear Daddy

Oh deary me. I’m in trouble with the powers that be…again. This time the chalet company has got it into their silly heads that I’ve poisoned my guests! I know, I mean the amount you spent on cooking courses so I could get this job, I’d have to be completely ditsy to do such a thing – a total ninny!

Of course I’m denying everything. They ( a family of fve plus two school friends) have spent the last three days recovering down the valley in hospital. Complete over reaction I’m sure but it’s quite nice to have the chalet to myself. So, every cloud…and I’m about due some time off. Anyway, as I was saying I’m sticking to my theory that they got sick drinking cheap fzz (though what they were doing feeding it to a four year old I don’t know). If you don’t drink proper shampers you’re bound to get ill. Like that time I drank a bottle of Lambrini in the fourth form. I deserved everything I got – well, not the letter home and the ten pages of house lines but you know – the bad tum, for sure.

As usual though, the chalet company aren’t supporting me one bit. They’re saying I food poisoned them but not using the fridge and freezer to store meat but using the, in my opinion the jolly chilly and therefore perfectly adequate, chalet garage. Of course they went totally mental when they saw I was using the fridges for Clinique face packs and a selection of beauty creams. It’s a war of words with me accusing them of inadequate refrigeration and them saying taht as well as giving the guests their money back I could be held personally lible.

So I gues what I’m assaying is can you make sure my trust fund is off shore and out of sight and mums the word on any saving s I might have

Lots of love, Tiz X

From: chalettilly@hotmail.com
To: timothy.crawley-moore@schroeders.com
SUBJ: “LIFE”

Dear Mummy and Daddy,

As usual life is being totally and utterly unfair to me. I don’t know what I’ve done to have the fates treat me so. I mean, I only get like one day off a week and it seems to snow on every single one of them. I mean, really, what’s the point in being in a ski resort if I can’t sun myself on a terrace. The snow makes it far too dangerous to go skiing. And you’re out on your own up there if something happens. There’s no one to help you. As I found out, it’s Tilly versus wild.

On my last day off I’d managed to get up in time for the last lifts (I don’t know what they put in that free Drambuie) but as I got to the top it started to snow. Of course normally I would have got the lift back down but it had been already been switched off!! Stuck. At the top of a mountain. In an Arctic Blizzard. We (Fizz, Bim, Sazz and me) tried to keep our cool and I rang the pisteurs to inform them that it was snowing and make them aware of our position at the top of the Le Rogonay chairlift. The situation was more dangerous than we’d frst realised- they fatly (and rudely) refused to come and save us. Conditions were too severe, even for them. We’d have to go it alone. I guess the endorphins or the adrenaline or the Drambuie still in my system took over. But somehow we made it down, tired, emotional and in desperate need of cocktails. Needless to say our slave driver bosses wouldn’t give us a day off to recover. Unfair!

What was even more unfair was that Bim was given a formal warning for vomiting on one of her clients whilst serving breakfast the next day. Bless her. I must say, we all felt a little queasy the next day, after what we’d been through.

Lots of Love, Tiz X

From: chalettilly@hotmail.com
To: timothy.crawley-moore@schroeders.com
SUBJ: “the mayor”

Dear The Mayor,

It has been nearly a week since my last email to you and I still have not heard back from you. I’m quite sure you’ve had enough time to mull over my brill idea – ‘Tilly’s School of English and Politeness’.

Perhaps you have lost my email address or maybe you doubt the sincerity or seriousness of my project. I can assure you that although my concept is vast I am 100% committed and I have great ambition. I envisage that one day there will be TSEPs all over France and one day we can look forward to the complete abolition of French as a language all together!! You’ll never struggle trying to buy a baguette again!!

No doubt you’ll be interested so further to my last email I’ve outlined below the modules students will have to complete to earn their TSEP certifcate (or ‘rosette’ which I think would be nicer)

1. Being Nice to Someone who is Buying Something Off You (basic Ps and Qs)
2. Chairlift Banter (From how’s the weather? to Who’s racing at Aintree?)
3. Talking to Stable hands and Pony Club judges (Rare occasions when politeness can fy out the window)
4. Taking Emergencies Seriously (From broken nails to lost eyelash curlers)

I think that just about covers everything but if you want to throw in your two centimes, I can’t promise anything but I’ll keep your suggestions in mind. I do hope that you can come up with some funding sooner rather than later. I’ve had some inspirational ideas for uniform and am already going to need to be reimbursed for my prototype mink mittens.Just gorge! I know!!

Lots of love,

Tiz X