You’ve no one else to blame
Tommo (Pull In) was the victim of an unlucky coincidence this week. After a few drinks he ventured over to Doudoune. The bouncer refused him entry so he walked away and casually threw a snowball over his back somehow managing to hit the bouncer in the face. He then proceeded to do what he terms as a ‘war jig’ on the other side of the road. Making the decision to go to Dicks, he was ambushed on the other side of Doudoune by the bouncer. He tried to escape but took a nasty fall and was then maced, leading to a very blind and embarrassing walk to Dicks for the antidote.
Special Offer
It’s 2-4-1 at Dicks but it certainly isn’t on any drinks behind the bar.
Keep At It
Phil (Moris) was lucky enough to pull Katy (Dicks) and obviously wanted it to be a good night. Shame that he’d had a little too much to drink, but he kept on trying and trying, finally having a go in the morning just to make sure she got something out of the tryst.
Team Bonding
The staff at Moris Hotel have been doing some intense team bonding in the last few weeks. They all know each other VERY well now and, apart from some awkward moments, they are a party of five that obviously work very well together.
Correction
We’d like to apologise to our cover star from last week. We incorrectly spelt your middle name. It should be Henry Seymour Coxe. If you want autographs go to Bananas with last week’s edition.
Early Onset Alzeimhers
Domski (Warm Up) seems to be losing his memory. It must be quite a night if you can’t remember whether you broke up a fight or whether you were in one.
Trousers Down
Adam (Crystal) was left red cheeked after coming in from a drunken night out and deciding he needed the toilet. He sat down, did the business and then realised he had forgotten one important element… to take his trousers down. Apparently he was quite proud of what he’d done. Adam, we hope you’ve cleaned your trousers thoroughly because that isn’t a chocolate stain.
Slap in the Face
Ben (VSpot flyer boy) was a little bit drunk in Dicks last week and claimed he wouldn’t remember it the next day. Lia (Dicks) slapped him over the face and asked if he’d remember that. He tried to drunkenly retaliate but missed his target and managed to hit the till straight off the bar. We wonder if he remembers being descended on by Dicks bouncers and ejected from the club for his behaviour.
Boy Love
The Bananas chefs have been caught kissing in Doudoune. Hope it doesn’t make it awkward in the work place.
Beauty Salon
Kenny and Zlatan (Danois) obviously believe their room is not only a sex den but also a beauty parlour after they cracked out a pair of electric clippers to give Katherine (VSpot) a trim down in her lower regions. Having discovered it was simply too big a job, they tried to shave off one of her eyebrows instead. Stick to the day job boys.
Love Note
Emily (Bananas) one drunken night gave a potential lover a note asking to meet her in Bananas the next day. He did as he was told but managed to mistake Annette (Bananas) for Emily leaving her very confused until a red faced Emily arrived to take responsibility for the previous night.
Counter Claims
The Surefoot boys would like to counter Owen’s statement about the standard of burgers in town. They believe the Moris burger menu to be the finest in town and have numbers in triple figures to back up their claims. We’re printing this, boys, but I don’t think flattery will get you a discount.
Bad Behaviour
Apparently if you ask to be tasered then people will just do it. Steph (Bananas) made this very strange request and now has joined the ranks of troublemakers who have been tasered outside Val nightclubs.
Saloon Love
Apparently Briohny and Tommo (Saloon) are in love following a passionate embrace after après at the Folie, but we’ve also heard that Tommo has a thing for Kely from the Folie. We’ll leave you two/three to work it out.
A Bad Week
Dave (Ski France) has had a bit of a bad week. Despite being maintenance he struggled to put away a sofa bed, but more embarrassingly after a night of passion down in La Daille he had to ask the lucky lady’s name the morning after. Thankfully the shame was shared as she couldn’t remember his either (she was called Kathy by the way).
New Chairs Please
Henry (Bananas) went to Victors for a pleasant meal last week but it all went a bit pear shaped when his chair collapsed beneath him. Apparently it made a noise like a Giant Redwood being uprooted, bringing the whole of Victors to a standstill and leaving Henry lying on his back in the middle of the packed restaurant. Henry, Victors say that you owe them a chair and nothing but the finest Scandinavian craftsmanship will do.
It Keeps Going
Chalet Spoon is back on track this week with Lauren and Elliot (Dicks) having a good sesh to while away the cold nights.
Text Pest
Phil (Moris) knows how to flatter a girl, sending one a text the morning after which read ‘Hey how’s Val’s cutest girl today? By the way do you know her? LOL’ Oh dear Phil, we think you need to work on your follow up technique.
Don’t give up… ever
Lee (Ski France) had been going for Debbie (Ski France) all season and she held out until his last night in resort when she gave in to his advances. We keep saying it, boys, all you need is to just keep asking and eventually the girls will get bored and just give in.
Prepare Yourselves
Week 9 begins as we speak. Prepare for hundreds of Scandis in resort taking you for your dignity and anything else they can get hold of. Moris reckons it will once again be the home of Week 9 but we reckon the true home of week nine will be the bed of anyone who is single and available in town.
Really
We have heard some weird things in our time but Verve from Le ski, licking the ladies toilet in Saloon certainly deserves you getting thrown out.
Hard Pull
Apparently to pull Alex Allen (Bluenote) it takes more than the line “Spilff and sex at my place”. However same couldn’t be said for Matt (Bluenote).
Tags: S5E12
