Turn off your red light
Ralphy (Saloon) has been rewarded by his feature in the Insider last week and has now turned off his red light over the DJ booth. Katie (Moris) and Sarah (Nortlander) kindly stepped up to get him over his bad patch of luck with the ladies.
Glassed
Tommo (Pull-In) was unlucky once again as he took a glass to the face from a girl this week. The Danois staff were on hand to help clean him up but it took 5 stitches to put him back together. Seriously guys, you need to love more and hate less.
Wet Dreams
Ella (Warm Up) had rather a big night last week that ended with her having an ‘accident’ while she was asleep. One sheet wash and announcement to the whole of Warm Up later, she’s felt rather shamefaced and will definitely be trying to make it to the toilet on time in future.
Sleep Walk
Beware when you nap in the day because you might end up like Charlie who sleep-walked downstairs from his apartment into a random flat and then went for a number two in the middle of their living room. Even worse was that he had to return to reclaim his trousers following the event!
Cold Tub
Soph B (T4 Nanny) Wasn’t too interested in a gentleman holiday maker she meet in Dicks until she discovered her night could lead to (Hot) hot tub shinanigans. The walk of shame across town in the wee hours of the morning was a very cold & wet. It’s a good idea to take your clothes off before you get in the tub.
You’re Barred
Stu (Crystal) has been barred from a few establishments around town after getting ever so slightly hammered and then trying to get into places using phrases such as ‘don’t you know who I am?’ and ‘I’m practically your manager’. If you have to ask people if they know who you are then you’ve defeated the point of being somebody around town!
Collector’s Items
Georgie (Mountain Rooms) is collecting the male members of the Saloon staff. They believe she’s taking advantage of them in various drunken states, with Dan (Saloon) the last victim. Only one remains to complete the set, Georgie, but apparently he fancies your best mate!
Congrats
Chambers finally acquired her target last week and got a home run out of it. Congratulations on your persistence finally paying off!
I do
The Insider played vicar this week, marrying two bar staff in town. We aren’t sure if it’s legally binding, but please don’t come knocking on our door for a divorce as there’s far too much paperwork involved.
Rat Race
The date has been confirmed for the Greeneye Rat Race for 7th April, GET YOUR TEAMS READY!
Duvel
The Duvel rep was in town this week and certainly took Matt (Blue Note) for a ride. Last seen asleep on his own bar and talking something that wasn’t quite English, the rep obviously did a good job on selling his product to dear Matthew.
Question
Teddy (Saloon) would like to know whether you would prefer to shag a goat once and everyone know about it, or shag a goat every night and no one know. Answers on a postcard to Saloon please.
KP Dreams of Management
Rob (Danois) obviously loves his job as, when he falls asleep, not only does he talk about it but also shouts out the names of his managers Jules and Rach. Clearly these lovely ladies have been entertaining Rob’s subconscious all season.
RIP
Erin (YSE) killed Irish’s best friend and he claims he will never forgive her. RIP Albert the egg, aged 4 years.
Vom
Jock managed to be sick over himself and Verd (Le Ski) after he was handed a shooter that didn’t seem to quite want to stay down. He threw up over his companion who was apparently not bothered due to the fact that he ‘smelled anyway’. Jock, however, had no recollection of the event and was only told the following day, although he says he did know that he had ‘done something wrong’ whilst out on his bender.
Wax
Katherine (VSpot) has tamed her legendary nether region mogwai and finally had a wax. We believe it was a Californian. She celebrated by taking home one of the Surefoot lads for a show and tell session.
Smitten
Jack (La Foret) is apparently smitten with Sarah (Powder White). We wish you guys the best of luck but ask to be notified when you have completed the Foret rite of passage of getting down to it in the bar. We want to know which seating areas to avoid.
Spotted
Elliot (Dicks) and MC (Saloon) were spied canoodling in Dicks. Happy Birthday MC!
Rumours
Vicious rumours are spreading about Owen and Debbie having some Dicks staff love. We can’t confirm anything just yet but we’ll keep our eyes peeled for the dinner date.
Barreled Over
Tommo (Saloon) tried to have his way with Sarah (La Foret) in their barrel room but she wasn’t quite as keen and he almost ended up with a squirt of pepper spray to the face.
Burn Baby Burn
Sam (Jukebox Mama) had a trim this week as well when Jay (La Foret) took a Lynx can and a lighter, put them together to make a flame thrower and burnt off all the hair in his nether regions. Apparently he is a ‘hairy little hobbit’ so needed the trim anyway but he could quite possibly have done without the burns that came with it.
Help Please
Kat (4 seasons) needed help going to the toilet in her sleep the other night. IT required one of her housemates to carry her to the toilet, take down her trousers and pants and sit her down on the loo. She then went back to bed like it had been a run of the mill evening. Service with a smile?
Tags: S5E14
