It was December 31st 2004. My attempt at a New Year party having failed, four ski trip friends and I took all the booze we could carry up the road to where two younger friends from Lourdes were having a party. In true Val d’Isère style, we proceeded to drink every challenger under the table, create utter mayhem and garnered our friends an official complaint from the building and an eventual eviction for bad behaviour. How was I to know that five years later one of them would win the BAFTA for best actress.
More problems for Comrade Brown, as stories emerged from a recent book of members of the Downing Street staff being grabbed by the lapels, shoved aside and being shouted at by the Prime Minister. This follows another story in Observer alleging that the head of the civil service, Sir Gus O’Donnell, was so concerned he had a word with Gordon. Lord Mandelson has defended the PM, saying he gets angry, but angrier with himself than anyone else. On the basis of the latest opinion polls, that makes him and 67% of the country.
Argentina has escalated a dispute over UK oil exploration in waters surrounding the Falklands Islands. Having secured backing from South American and Caribbean nations for their sovereignty claims to ‘Las Malvinas’, the UK government, fully supported by the Conservatives, issued a ‘note verbale’ to the Argentinian representative in London rejecting their claims. While disputing British sovereignty of the islands, they have ruled out military action and instead decided to run to teacher and ask the UN for support. Best of luck with that.
Western diplomats have expressed concern at Afghan President Hamid Karzai passing a law granting him control over the Electoral Complaints Commission there. This comes after the
Western Forces that overthrew the Taliban backed him financially and with military force as the president of the new Afghanistan. Apparently no-one remembers back to 1980, the last time the West supported a new leader in the Middle East with cash and arms, ending up with them all having to club together to liberate Kuwait.
An Austrian monastery is offering the chance to be a monk for the weekend. The order of Franciscan nuns offering an introduction to the ‘sisterhood’ sounds more appealing to me, especially if it’s in a Castle Anthrax from Monty Python and the Holy Grail way. Venezuelan and Colombian presidents Chavez and Uribe have clashed at a Latin American summit, Uribe telling Chavez to ‘be a man’ and Chavez responding ‘go to Hell’. President Felipe Calderon of host country Mexico demanded that they ‘respect his authoritah’ and sort out their differences respectfully. They were last seen headed for the urinals to measure up. The head of the German protestant church, Bishop Margot Kaessmann, has resigned after
being caught running a red light while three times over the limit. If she’d only been Catholic, she could have just claimed she’d only been drinking the blood of Christ, the first ever victory for transubstantiation over consubstantiation. A Scottish company, Mountain Unity, has begun promoting climbing tours to the north-east of Afghanistan. They said they have already received some promising enquiries from one O. Bin-Laden, though he failed to enclose a return postal address.
And finally, the fossilised remains of a giant clam-eating shark have been unearthed in Kansas. No relative of Dan Hartley, the fish (Ptychodus mortoni) lived around 89 million years ago and measured 10m in length. Peter Andre was said to have been distraught that his Guinness World Record has been beaten until the difference between biggest clam eater and eater of the biggest clam was explained to him. Until next week, I’m off to sell my story to the Daily Mail in exchange for Cheryl Cole’s phone number.
Tags: S5E12
