The X-games hits Tignes this week for three days in the first ever European version of the event. They are bringing a lot of the big names from the States so it should prove quite the spectacle. If our petitions to the gods don’t work, then if there’s ever a sure way of making it snow it’s holding a big outdoor event!

The season is heading into the latter stages in some ways as, while we still have a lot of time left, it goes quickly so don’t waste it. We’ve got an article to help pump you up again.

I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.

MB

Snow Quality and Stability
“I’ve been talking about a weak layer that is still persistent on North’ish facing slopes above 2200 metres, and it is still there”. This is what I’ve been saying for the past few weeks; true we haven’t had really big cycles of large avalanches, perhaps because the quantities of new snowfalls during any given snow-storm have not been that big in much of the Northern French Alps. However there has been accidental avalanche activity that can’t be neglected. The accidental avalanche in the Combe de Signal a.k.a. Sunny Bowl in Val d’Isère last Monday, is a good example of how, with a 40 cm of new snow over a few days, a well traveled area can suddenly be triggered and take 3-5 skiers down the slope with it (see photos on blog entry for March 1 on www.getoffpiste.com). This avalanche fit the forecast in the avalanche bulletin and the definition of the danger rating for the day – which was a 3.

Tips for this coming week
a) When there’s fresh snow on a steep slope, there’s always some risk that should never be marginalized in the minds of the people on that slope… just in case there is an ‘unlucky’ avalanche.
b) Well traveled off piste runs are fairly well packed down by in-resort skier traffic now, but once you venture even a little way from where people have been skiing over the last couple months, it’s a much less stable situation. Plus you never know… So keep up-to-date on the snow conditions and stability by visiting our blog on www.getoffpiste.com and go to the avalanche forecast translation in the left column, OR if you can read French, on: www.meteo-france.com >Montagne>Bulletins Avalanches.

Ben
Daisy met Ben back in 2006 and they got married
two summers ago in Jersey in a full Val wedding.
They are quite the pair and, despite the age gap,
are one of the best couples you’ll meet.

Alcohol
Daisy also has a fondness for the odd drink and
has been known to be spotted rather tipsy on
occasion around town. At the same time she
seems to be on the hill more than most people I
know. It’s either through commitment or the fact
she has youth on her side.

Skis
Liberty Phil Larose 171 – “love them; have others but all the rest are dead or simply not cool, although having a husband working in Snowberry helps me try a lot more; been using Al’s Line Elizabeths (Lizzy& Beth) recently”.

Suit
SOS and Peak gear – “has to be quality kit as all the cheaper, cool brands break after two months. You get what you pay for. Wearing blue and red atpresent, bright but not fluoro – I’m not a clown!”

Helmet
Black Dainese – “definitely my most important bit of kit. I won’t go on the hill without it. Everyone should wear one.”

Poles
Leki hot shots – ”you can hold vodka in them. Simply screw the tops off and voila! So much cooler than a Camelbak”.

Riding Crew
Coach Alex Allan, Naomi, Lou and Sara. A newly formed group with a lot of fresh converts to skis. “I love them all. Riding is all about your mates, although we are awesome skiers. A big thanks to Phil from TDC for making us sick!”

Blue Note
“My second home & family. Work is a very loose term for what I do. I think Lou just pays me to hang out and drink.”

Last season
This is Daisy’s last planned season. “We’re staying for summer to do everything we haven’t done here yet, then back to Jersey to start a new life”. (We’ll see in a year, but good luck!!)

End of season BBQ
Always the day after the lifts stop turning, at her place. If last year is anything to go by, it’s not to be missed. “Everyone’s invited for the final one. It’s going to be a biggie”.

The competition runs from the 10-12th, so they have a mere 3 days to pack in all the extreme skiing and snowboarding. The competition is invitational and the competitors list looks pretty good, so you should expect an impressive show with some of Europe and America’s best throwing down to be the best at the inaugural European X-Games.

The field is mainly of a Scandinavian/American nationality base, but there are a few Canadians, Swiss and, of course, French athletes in there. Great Britain is being represented by the shining light of Jenny Jones in the boarding slopestyle, so if you’re looking for some home grown talent then we’d definitely recommend you getting down to watch that bit of the competition.

Some names you might recognise on the athletes list are: Simon Dumont, one of the finest superpipe skiers in the world. With no Tanner Hall he’ll be hoping to hold off the European competition to win after a bit of a stop-start season. Xavier Bertoni, who by all accounts is having a great season, will be flying the French flag in the men’s pipe so watch out for him to go big on home turf. The young guns like Duncan Adams and Justin Dorey will be looking to stake their claim on the podium as well. Bobby Brown and Sammy Carlson will be representing the USA in the skiing slopestyle but they’ve got a formidable Scandi army to compete with thanks to Andreas Hatveit and PK Hunder from Norway, as well as Henrik Harlaut from Sweden, who are all very capable of medal winning runs.

For the women skiers, Sarah Burke, Grete Eliassen and Jen Hudak will be trying to down the European challenge, but with Virginie Favre from France and Anais Caradeux from Switzerland the women’s competition looks like it’ll come down to who can handle the pressure on the day.

The boarding superpipe is dominated by US competitors with Olympic medal winner Scotty Lago making an appearance. Without Shaun White, he’ll be looking to seize his chance for gold, but the European challenge shouldn’t be discounted with Mathieu Crepel looking to win for the home crowd and Antti Autti hoping to capitalise on some good form for the Scandi contingent.

The slopestyle is a little more even with crowd favourites like Eero Ettala from Finland and Andreas Wiig from Norway looking to challenge for medals, but again you can’t ignore the effect of home field advantage and Mathieu Crepel has all the ingredients to take both medals home for France in the men’s boarding.

Among the women, Jamie Anderson and Torah Bright will be battling it out for the USA and Australia respectively but there might be surprises from the lesser known girls like Arka Pancochova of the Czech republic or Elena Hight from the USA.

In the slopestyle we hope that many of you will be supporting Jenny Jones as she looks for a European Gold to sit with her two from the USA in the women’s slopestyle. Cheryl Mass will be looking to challenge too, but the real competition will be from Gretchen Bleiler who was pretty upset after losing out to Jenny on her own continent.

What’s missing from these X-Games is the snow mobile competition, which is a lot like motocross but on a giant snowmobile. Don’t worry; there are snow mobiling demos every day from 3-4pm if you simply can’t live without it.

And finally, here is the comprehensive timetable. It might change due to weather and other shenanigans, but for the moment this is the definitive timetable. We will see you there!

SUNDAY 7TH
Moris: Mike plays live music at après with Loudhailers playing in the evening
Le Petit Danois: 24U play live at the Danois from 5pm
Warm Up: Live après music from Soul Fire (soul, blues and funk duo) from 5pm
Saloon: €4.50 bottled beer
Pacific: Seasonnaires pool league in the evening. See Dave for details.
VSpot: Monster Après 4-6pm followed by DJ Hi33p playing dubstep and minimal garage kicking off at 9.30pm just as Mad Hour begins!
Doudoune: The French CanCan comes to town to create the party that only they can!
Le Graal: Happy Sundays ultimate mix generation
Dicks: Funday Sunday – Spin the wheel for offers and promos – €3 pints (12AM-1AM)

MONDAY 8TH
VSpot: Monster après as well as a Free Snowboarders Avalanche Talk with Nicolas Gize 6-8pm. Followed by Mr OB on the decks playing dubstep, house, electro and hip hop kicking off at 9.30pm with mad hour and crazy 1/4 with €2 pints/vodka mixer.
Blue Note: Celebrate our 4th Birthday with us in Blue Note for what promises to be an entertaining evening
Moris: HAT Talks with Mullit Trio playing live après music and Fourplay in the evening
Le Petit Danois: Karen plays live music from 5pm
La Foret: Mikey Gray plays live après music
Warm Up: Magners Mondays. Special promos on Magners Cider
Pacific: Open Mic Night, everyone welcome. See Luke if you want to play, kicking off at 9.30pm just as Mad Hour begins
Saloon: AcousticAly plays live après music
Doudoune: Mullit play live followed by DJ Marine L
Le Graal: Kiss my Ice with a Swedish DJ on the decks all night
Dicks: Reggae Night with a free shot with every round between 12 and 1am

TUESDAY 9TH
Saloon: Austrian Après with all the usual drinks deals followed by Triangle Tuesday with special deals on house shots
VSpot: Monster après followed by the PLANKS official bar night: Drop Beats Not Bombs with Da French Crew starts at 9.30pm with mad hour and crazy ¼.
La Foret: Mullit play live music at après from 5pm till 7pm
Moris: Mike and Richie play live après music and Mullit play live in the evening with midweek deals on Mutzig.
Le Petit Danois: 24U play live après music from 5pm
Doudoune: So Special, More info on Facebook
Le Graal: Shot Again, 2010 flavour with 15 different flavours of vodka available behind the bar
Dicks: 80s Fancy Dress – Free shots if in costume all night

WEDNESDAY 10TH
Le Petit Danois: 24U play live après music from 5pm as well as Wings Wednesday with special deals on wings and pitchers
Underground: Christoph and Wendy from St. Tropez play live at Underground.
Blue Note: Table football competition continues at 10pm
Saloon: George plays live après music followed by Wife Beater Wednesday with €3.50 jagerbombs
VSpot: Monster Après 4-6pm followed by Old Skool Rave night with glowsticks and paint kicking off at 9.30pm with mad hour and crazy ¼.
Moris: Mullit Trio play après followed by Young Squires playing live in the evening as well as Midweek Mutzig deals.
Bananas: Scary Clown Party with a free bottle of vodka for the scariest clown.
Pacific: HAT talks starting 6pm sharp. Turn up 15 minutes before to get deals on food and drink
Le Lodge: DJ K2 plays happy house amongst other things!
Doudoune: Ladies Night is back, Special gifts for girls
Le Graal: Sweet Lady Candy – Free candy and private VIP for the girls. Get Le Graal club money to get your own private show!
Dicks: Misconduct, funky house and electro night with Tequila V Sambuca promos between 12 and 1am

THURSDAY 11TH
Warm Up: Huw the one man trio plays live après music from 5pm
Le Lodge: DJ K2 plays happy house amongst other things!
Underground: Christoph and Wendy from St. Tropez play live at Underground.
Le Petit Danois: AcousticAly plays live at the Danois
La Foret: Jukebox Mama play live music at après.
VSpot: Monster Après 4-6pm followed by banging beats and breaks kicking off at 9.30pm with mad hour and crazy ¼
Bar Alexandra: Kybosh play live from 9.30pm
Victors: Boogie Night, 70s Disco and funk music with deals on cocktails between 8-10pm
Pacific: Beer Pong starts at 11pm. See Dave behind the bar for details
Moris: Mikey and Ben play live après music as well as midweek Mutzig deals and Dr Bruce playing live in the evening
Saloon: George plays live après music followed by Ice Tea Thursdays with special deals on cocktails.
Doudoune: Suprise Party, more info on Facebook
Dicks: ROCK NIGHT – DJ Pistol Pete – Jaeger Bombs for €3.50 (12AM-1AM)

FRIDAY 12TH
Le Lodge: DJ K2 plays his live set with happy house amongst other things.
Le Pub: Rock and Roll night with rock and roll music playing all evening.
La Foret: Carpetface & Audible live at La Foret.
VSpot: Monster Après followed by Yoki House Night – Fullt Ös Medvetslös – DJ Tinitunes kicking off at 9.30pm with mad hour and crazy ¼
Warm Up: Formal Friday with bottles of Peroni for €5
Le Petit Danois: Karen plays live at Danois from 5pm
La Foret: AcousticAly plays live at après.
Pacific: The Pacific House Family Band play live from 9-11pm followed by the Friday raffle with prizes including Salomon boards and skis. See Dave for details.
Saloon: George Moore plays live après music followed by Formal Friday with special deals for those in formal wear.
Moris: Mike and Richie play live après music followed by Livewire playing live in the evening as well as Formal Friday. Wear your best to a night at the Moris.
Doudoune: Mullit play live followed by DJ Marine L
Dicks: Formal Friday with Carpetface & Audible – Free shots for those in formal attire (12AM-1AM)

What exactly are we talking about? When you fall on to your chest, or your back, your ribs stop you from damaging your internal organs i.e. your heart, lungs and to a certain extent, your liver and spleen. The classic injury is a fall on to the snow, ‘winding’ the victim and leaving significant pain on movement and inspiration thereafter. This can often happen if you land on an arm that is tucked into the chest (usually in snowboarders), which can lead to a good going rib fracture. If you’re really unlucky, to add insult to injury, your board or skis may come up behind you and collide with your head: The classic Scorpion.

Back to chest injuries, the spectrum of damage is limitless. We see these injuries most days. The majority have suffered a tear in the muscles between the ribs. These are called the intercostal muscles and help you to breathe in. Unfortunately you can’t take a rest from breathing so this hurts a lot, especially as they have a rich nerve supply. Next up is the broken rib. This is a diagnosis made on examination and not on x-ray as most people believe. The majority of rib fractures do not cause problems and are difficult to see on x-ray film, so they are not routinely done. The treatment is good painkillers, rib strapping which takes the pressure away from the injury and instructions to take deep breaths regularly. Yes, this hurts a lot but it also keeps the miniature passageways open, discouraging bacteria from growing, because if you start coughing, that injury will really hurt.

“Have I popped my lung?” is a common question we get asked. The answer is usually no. So what is a popped lung? Excuse the analogy, but imagine that your fist is a lung, now put your fist into a half blown up balloon. It is now surrounded by two layers, right? These are called the pleura. If the outer layer is speared by, for example, a fractured and displaced rib, then suddenly air can enter the space between the layers and cause your lung (the fist, if you are still following) to shrink down. This is called a pneumothorax or collapsed lung. Usually, it’s not a problem, if you are young and fit, then it will re-inflate spontaneously over days or weeks, but a large one will cause you to feel breathless, contribute to pain and may need intervention in hospital (about four percent). Smokers are at greater risk of this injury.

The liver (right) and spleen (left) are also protected by ribs. However these ribs are called floating ribs as they are only fixed at the front but not the back. A blow to the left or right hand side, typically because of an overlying arm or by landing on a rail can damage these organs. They are delicate and have a very rich blood supply. They are each surrounded by a capsule which stems the bleeding in an accident, but once this bursts, the result can be fatal. If you notice a pain in the upper left or right of the abdomen (lower chest) then think about going to see the doctor. A racing pulse is another indication.

How do you prevent this from happening? Well, short of becoming a better skier/snowboarder, avoid carrying objects such as phones/keys/wallets in pockets around the ribcage. Avalanche transceivers are often a problem due to the strapping system, try to have these in the middle of the abdomen away from organs. In short, the difference between a muscle or rib problem compared to a collapsed lung is often a feeling of shortness of breath, so get yourself looked at.

Abdominal pain or racing pulse as described above should also be investigated. If you are worried about an injury, always go and see your doctor.

Ski resorts are like nowhere else in the world. You can get away with behaviour around here that would cost you limbs in other parts of the world. I’m talking about the kind of thing that when you’ve settled down with a proper job or, God forbid, a long term partner allows a half-smile to creep across your lips as you think back to your time here. Now is the time to go a bit wild and push your boundaries, so seize the opportunity you have in the last 8 weeks here and try to tick off everything/one left on your list. There is so much to do out on the mountain that we can guarantee you’ve barely scratched the surface. It’s not all difficult and plenty of it is achievable in the next two months.

We’ll start with the things that don’t require you to part with your hard-earned. The Espace Killy, in case you hadn’t noticed, is rather large. There is no way you’ve covered it all since the beginning of December. With this in mind, The Mountain Echo hereby challenges you to have placed your piste-toned buttocks on every single lift that this resort has to offer by season end. It does bear mentioning that the All Mountain Piste Badge is on offer if you combo it with skiing every run in resort in a week. There are some pretty obscure ones, particularly up on La Grande Motte and at the high end of Solaise, and if you’re a boarder you won’t be able to do the 3000 poma lift, as the pisteurs have banned gays on trays. You’ll also need to deliberately take two, or even three, lifts instead of one at times, like the chair lift route back from Brevieres; safe to say that once you’ve done it you can award yourself a well-earned pat on the back and get ready to regale your sharking target for the evening with your latest mountain tale.

The days that will really stay with you are the bluebird powder days and the perfect sunny days with your mates. Frequently, these can involve spending hours building a rather small kicker (let’s face it, you won’t be building a red size jump in a day) and then taking two runs over it before deciding you don’t want to kill yourself and hitting the Folie to work on your goggle tan. You should also end up with a couple of sick photos which, if taken from the right angle, make it look like you’re hitting 30 ft of air, landing with not a scratch on you. Even though you probably ate more snow than Frosty the Snowman, it’ll give you the perfect story for back home after the season is over. A variation on this theme is to head up the hill for a BBQ in the snow with your mates. You might want to wait until the weather warms up but once it does, going out the back of your flat or finding somewhere nice and quiet to fire up a BBQ with lots of food, and one or two beers, can’t be beat. It’s difficult to take a sunny day off, but it can end up being a nice change of pace, and if you’re clever the food won’t leave your pockets emptier than a Steven Seagal matinee.

Another Espace Killy rite of passage is climbing through the eye of the needle. If you’ve been living with your head under a rock this is the large rock with a giant hole in it that looks like, you’ve guessed it, the eye of a needle. You can get there via the Palafour lift from Tignes Le-Lac and then the Aiguille-Percee. Pick a blisteringly hot day and head up to grab yourself a Facebook profile shot just waiting to be exploited.

If you’re feeling exceptionally keen, you could try batting for the other team i.e taking up skiing if you’re a boarder and vice versa (what were you thinking, you sick ####). It’s time consuming and frustrating, but it’ll be well worth it when you can give the answer ‘I go both ways’ to anyone who asks you if you ski or board. If you’re looking for a challenge to end the season then head down this route. It’ll bring the unexpected back to the mountain and you’ll definitely go home tired and sore (in a good way) every day.

We’d also recommend trying some touring while you’re out here and considering staying overnight on a slightly longer trip. Never do this without a guide because it can be pretty dangerous, but if you club together with a couple of mates to split the cost you won’t regret it and you’ll be taken out of your comfort zone to parts of the mountain that you’ve never seen before.

There are so many things we could have packed into this article: parapenting, snowmobiling, nailing that trick in the park, day trips to other resorts. It’s completely up to you whether you want to end the season in a blaze of glory or allow it to gently peter out while you follow the same trusted routine again and again. We know which we’d prefer… anyone up for helping us build a tiny kicker?

Flash Pizza is one of those places that does a bit more than serve your standard toppings. Its menu has some different pizzas that may look a bit on the wild side but they’re certainly worth trying.

Naturally, they have all the classics though they’re all titled along a Val d’Isère theme. A margherita is called a Bellevarde and a chorizo pizza is a Col Pers, so you’ll need to take a peek at the menu.

As well as all the favourites, there are pizzas like the Solaise topped with fresh cream, spinach and salmon and pizzas for local cheese lovers like the Santon that has both reblochon and beaufort. They certainly work well if you’re looking for something slightly different.

I was a fan of the Tsanteleina, which is effectively tartiflette on a pizza. It’s a touch decadent but very tasty!

If you’re looking for a welcoming ambience, or something to eat that doesn’t even require you to leave your residence after a hard day on the slopes, then grab a Flash Pizza menu and get adventurous.

An earthquake measuring 8.8 on the Richter Scale has struck Chile just north of the town of Concepcion. The quake, the largest to hit the country since the record 9.5 rated quake of 1960, has caused widespread damage down the Chilean coast, but far less devastation than that caused by the Haitian quake last month. Responsible are the stricter building regulations in place there because of Chile’s location on the major Pacific fault line called the ‘Ring of Fire’, a title I had previously thought was reserved exclusively for a Johnny Cash song and bathroom trauma the morning after a vindaloo.

Under pressure from the EU, the Greek government has approved a fresh package of tax hikes and spending cuts to ease its budget crisis. The Greek Prime Minister likened the budget problems to a ‘wartime situation’, which is a touch ironic given that’s how Britain and the US normally get out of a recession. The new measures included a freeze in pensions, cuts in public sector pay, a 2% increase in sales tax, rises in taxes on fuel, cigarettes and alcohol and rises in taxes on luxury goods… sounds like a standard UK, Comrade Brown budget to me.

President Obama has urged Congress to vote by simple majority on healthcare reform, as he continues to try and overhaul the US system, by approving a $950bn package to cover uninsured Americans and lower premia. Republicans are opposing the plan, which may force the Democrats to force it through Congress using a legislative technique called ‘reconciliation’ to get around them losing their supermajority following the death of Teddy Kennedy. The package is less than one tenth of the US defence budget.

Sequined gowns and pantomime classics worn by the late drag artist Danny LaRue are to be auctioned. The V&A museum has already bought four, Eddie Izzard must have his eye on a couple and, let’s face it, Lady GaGa needs something to wear to the Oscars. Energy and Climate change secretary Edward Miliband has had his Twitter account hacked, posting the message, ‘I’ve been having better sex and longer with this here’ followed by a link to an online ‘pharmacy’. Scientists have discovered a dinosaur-like creature 10 million years older than the previous earliest known examples. Named Asilisaurus kongwe, it lived around 245 million years ago during the middle Triassic period, leading to surprise from some that it had not been named Joanus Riversus. A new scan to identify people by their noses could help root out criminals. Apparently there are six main nose types: Roman, Greek, Nubian, hawk, snub and turn-up, known collectively as the Michael Jackson collection.

And finally, US officials are investigating how a child was allowed to direct planes at New York’s JFK airport. The boy, the son of a certified air traffic controller, had apparently been brought to work by his father during half term week. The pilots seemed unconcerned to be receiving instructions from a minor. As Groucho Marx said, ‘A child of five would understand this. Someone fetch me a child of five.’ Until next week, I’m off to sign up for the Energy Secretary’s Twitter updates.

Noise Complaint
Claire (Moris) took offence at the amount of noise being made clearing snow outside the Danois while she was trying to sleep. She opened up the curtains to give the noisy clearers a piece of her mind but forgot she was completely starkers. Some lucky snow shoveller got a good look at Claire’s best suit and there will now doubtless be fights started over who gets to clear snow at the Danois from now on.

Greg Evans, Ski Instructor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdya3ACk0QA

Mighty Bill
The above Insider story was a result of Henry (Bananas) ordering 400 B52 shots in Saloon as part of a celebration for Ben’s (important trader type) birthday… except that Ben ended up paying. The bill came to €1000 and they then went on to buy 40 Jaegerbombs in Dicks on the condition that they would only pay for them if the domino dropped perfectly. Unfortunately for them they had a very skilled bar person who managed the feat with no problems.

Builders
The residents of chalet spoon seem to believe that their places of employment are no longer good enough drinking establishments. They have built their own bar, tunnel and igloo in their back garden. Expect events to be listed in the What’s On any time soon.

Looking for Love
Ralphy (Saloon) is apparently looking for a lady friend. He’s not fussy but Irish believes that he is a nightmare to go swimming with as he’s distracted by all the bikinis. If you’re interested he’s the one under the lovely pink light in the DJ booth. We were told to put up his Facebook and phone number but we won’t go that far!

Correction
We last week said that Alex did not fall for the chat up line, but he maintains that he did and is actually quite proud of it.

Welcome Back
A hello to Tina and Mark who have returned to resort to the delight of many!

No Stamina
Timmy (Moris) celebrated his birthday last week but couldn’t handle it, as he needed a break in the middle for a nap and a TC before heading back down to the Moris and onwards to continue his celebrations.

Mistaken Identity
Identical twins have been causing havoc on some of the returning seasonnaires this week as an old Danois staff member came for a visit with his twin in tow. Si (Saloon) grabbed his bum thinking he was his brother and Abi (Moris) gave him a piece of her mind for not visiting her when the poor twin had no idea who they were!

Buses
Eddie (Dicks) has been struggling with the ladies all season but, like buses, you wait all season for one and then three come along at once. Unlike buses, one of these three left him with something at the end of his ride that might require a replacement service from Doc Al.

Perve
Ben (VSpot Leaflet Boy) was unlucky enough to be found by Laurie asleep in the VSpot flat holding Laurie’s girlfriend’s knickers in one hand with the other down his pants. Laurie was decidedly unimpressed and woke Ben up with a few buckets of water. Ben retaliated by pissing all over the flat. He was then evicted and managed to fall down the stairs so they took pity on him, brought him back and locked him in the bathroom, but not before they had covered him with eggs and tomato ketchup leaving him with a very fetching hairstyle.

Keeping Each Other Amused
The Crystal chalet hosts are having a fair amount of incest this year, most recently in Moris on Tuesday where their constant pulling of each other with no preference for girl or boy scared Moris customers, especially with balls being slapped on faces and rambunctious drinking games. The incest continues to naked 5am swims, group spoonings and public nudity which apparently has infiltrated all the way to their management. Good work Crystal!

Dirty Stop Out
Phil (Moris) has not been home before 12 in the afternoon for quite a few days now. He seems unable to explain his absences with anything other than a bit of a grin.

Anyone for a biscuit?
Tommo (Saloon) has continued his run of bad behaviour this week although he’s gone in a new direction. After a night in Saloon he took up the challenge of eating a urinal biscuit. Teddy (Saloon) selected a particularly soggy one for his dining pleasure and, after he had consumed some of it, it emerged that it came with some extra hairy seasoning. Careful girls, sometimes you just don’t know where someone’s mouth has been.

Motto for Life
Nav (Dicks) believes in the motto ‘try, try and try again’. Thanks Moris!!

Dirty Play
Matt (Blue Note) was denied his chance to play a shot in the Pacific pool competition after someone ignored his or her inner sportsman and de-kegged him whilst he tried to play. Who said playing fair was any fun!

Stop Thief!
Sarah (La Foret) had to chase a thief all the way back to his apartment last week after he nabbed a bottle of Bacardi from behind the bar. She chased him down as he locked himself in his bathroom to escape but he still got a firm telling off. La Foret go that extra mile to make themselves heard!

Swim Team
There has been a lot of swimming going on this week, with competitive spirits on display as Henry (Bananas) challenged Nickie (VSpot) to race across the cover. Nickie claimed to be the winner, but Henry admitted he’d deliberately thrown the race as there was more enjoyment in following behind her.

Swim Team 2
The other team of water babies this week managed to get some food out of their swim when they managed to obtain a joint of meat. As they were responsible swimmers they waited until afterwards to eat it and celebrated their find by having a fake disco, switching the lights on and off in their room, and waking up poor Lauren (Dicks) in the process.

Word For the Wise
We’d just like to mention on a more serious note for everyone, please stay out of the Gorge De Malpasset up on the mountain. It’s really dangerous and we promise you that you can’t have impressive chat for apres if you’re in hospital or worse. So take our word for it on this one.

Dear Mummy and Daddy,

I am getting sick of the snow. Uncle Algenon is right – this whole global warming thing is a load of absolute rot and anyone who can afford one should be allowed to drive around in a Range Rover so I’m putting the new Vogue at the top of my birthday list again.

These people who say that world is heating up should come out here. it’s bally freezing. As I write this I’ve got two pairs of thermal underwear on as well as my frilly knicks. It’s really too cold to ski. All this weather is good for is sitting inside and drinking tea and eating cake.

And as for sea level rising – well that’s just ridiculous. Bim and Muffy are trying to organise an end of season beach holiday and we’re over nine hours from the nearest seaside. I really don’t think there’s a problem. Well actually there is – sea levels aren’t high enough! I mean, I wouldn’t need a beach right in the resort as it’s too cold to go for a dip, but maybe an hour or so away.

It has given me a new found respect though for the people who live here all year round. Imagine living in these freezing conditions twelve months of the year. Maybe they the reason they keep the Christmas decorations up all year round is to keep up moral. I thought it was just laziness but I mean, if it snowed all year round back at Wysteria Cottage, I’d probably want to keep the Christmas tree up too. Oh my gosh!

Maybe they get two Christmasses. Well it’s not fair if I only get one. I’ll look into it.

Lots of love, Tiz X